Monday, November 20, 2006

A very lousy weekend

Sometimes I wonder if I should be putting these things out there. It's pretty personal, but it's what's going on.

TCBastidIM (thanks, Angela) has put the second to the last nail in the coffin, placed the second to the last straw, has one more strike. Pick your metaphor. I've just about had it.

Saturday night he decided to play poker with the guys. He can never just say "Hey, so-and-so called and invited me to come play poker, do you mind?" He has to couch it in false solicitousness. "What are you doing tonight? How are you feeling?" And if I say "Tired," (and I always say tired), he says "Well, why don't you go to bed early?" Which translates to "I've had a better offer than your sorry ass and I'm going to take it, but I'm going to make you think I actually give a shit about how you're feeling and doing before I race out the door."

He worked all day Saturday, which was fine, we need the money. He said they were going to work until 5:30 or so, so that he wouldn't have to work yesterday and we could spend the day together. Ok, fine. But then we had the speech outlined above and that was that. He was home for about an hour before running back out the door.

He rolled in the house at 3:30 in the morning. Yes, I was up. And it wasn't even so much that he got home so late, it was that he was stinking drunk. He'd managed to consume most of a 750 ml bottle of rum. There was probably 2 inches of booze left in the bottle. To top it off, he decided it would then be a good idea to drive home. Drive home in the COMPANY vehicle.

When he'd somewhat sobered up yesterday morning, I told him that this was it. If it happened again, I was taking the children and leaving. I'd rather go stay in a shelter than live with someone who has that little regard for how his stupidity can impact three kids' lives.

My heart is in bits right now, but I can't keep being put last. I'm tired of it being The Boy's Show, 24/7. I'm tired of feeling this way, like I'm the least important person on the planet, that it's all him, all the time, and to hell with the rest of us.

He claims he's going to change, claims that he loves me, that we are the most important things in the world to him. I really hope that's true. I want this marriage to work.


Sarah said...

Ah man, that’s rough. I don’t even know what to say, Julia, other than I am thinking about you and yours and keeping you in my prayers.

Kelsey said...

That sucks Julia.

I can relate a bit, and my advice is to stick to your threat. If he does this again, leave. It may be the only thing that really gets his attention.

I'm praying for you and the girls!

Washington Crunchy Mama said...

(((hugs))) I hope very soon when you say "I'm tired" his answer will be.... Why don't you go to bed early. I'll stay here incase one of the kids wakes up and that way you can stay sleeping. If you need anything give me a hollar, I'll be right here watching TV.

Too much? I hope not.

Lyrehca said...

Jeez, Julia, I'm sorry to hear it. Is couples counseling an option at all?

In totally other news, don't worry at all about sending those maternity clothes. I've picked up a stash from some local friends. Go ahead and sell them on eBay.

LJ said...

I want it to work for your sake as well as the girls. My heart aches for you. I really am sorry you have to go through this shit! It's just not good and you shouldn't put yourself last either!!

art-sweet said...

Oh crap, Julia. You do know that you deserve SO MUCH better than this, right?

On second thought, does he have good life insurance? If so, perhaps driving home sloshed isn't such a bad idea after all ;-( - that's a sad winky face.

My word verification is: higmad

If not a mother... said...


lots of hugs and thoughts headed your way.

Major Bedhead said...

a-s - My sister said the exact same thing. To his face.

Lyrecha - I'm sorry about the clothes. I honestly haven't had the extra money to ship them.

Everyone else - thanks. I'm sure there will be updates.

SUEB0B said...

Oh shit that sucks. I'm sorry.

Joke said...

Massive prayers at ya.

(My wife would have shot me.)

(No, that wasn't a joke.)


Anonymous said...

OMG do I know how you feel. At least about the social stuff. When it comes to Mike doing stuff for his friends and family, I come last. This is our biggest point of contention in our marriage.

I hope for his sake, TCBYM is sincere about making changes. It would suck to have to teach him the hard way just how serious you are. Big hug.


Anonymous said...


It's an awful place to be. I'm so sorry. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

Angewl said...

I am always here if you need to talk. You can call, email or IM at anytime.

I hope the talk helped.


Anonymous said...

Oh, man--I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! I hope he straightens up. I wish I was closer so I could help!

I'll be thinking of you--call if you need to (collect, even). Remember, you're such a strong woman, you'll get through, one way or another.

nlocco said...

.. no words ( happy Thanksgiving;)

Unknown said...

For some strange reason, Boys never know what they have until its gone. Sorry but currently I have had to learn this the hard way. Your not alone and deffinatly not the least important but I DO know what you mean and how your feeling and wish you happy days!

graymama said...