Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I see dead people

In my dreams. In smell-o-vision.

I usually hate posts that start with "Last night I had the strangest dream...." (And do you have Matthew whatsit stuck in your head now? Good. My work here is done.) But I'm going to tell you anyway and I'm blaming it on my ceiling fan, which rattles like a summbitch and kept waking me up. Well, that and the baby doing the friggin' merengue in my uterus all. night. long.

I had walled up two very dead Mexicans, to be disposed of later. I'm not sure why I was diposing of them, or how they got dead, but there they were, in my rock wall, stinking. I don't have a rock wall, mind, but in my dream, I did and it was lovely, covered in lichen and moss and, y'know, apparently a dead Mexican repository. On the other side of my lovely rock wall was a beautiful green field, the kind you'd see on a postcard from England. Emerald green grass, sheep grazing off in the distance, a copse of trees off to one side; it was gorgeous. In the green field was daysgoby. She had this navy blue pram, one of those old English jobs, the kind nannies push around manicured parks.

In it was her dead mother. Only every so often, the dead mother would get up out of the pram and do a little jig. She bore a scary resemblance to

Cruella DeVille

and Gloria Vanderbilt.

After doing her dance, she'd turn into a three-legged black pig, complete with Cruella hair, and start hunting for truffles. As you do.

That's the last time I have Doritos before going to bed.


Washington Crunchy Mama said...

OMG, I'm just rollin' here. That is THE strangest dream I have ever heard of! What the hell do they put in those Doritos?

Jess said...

(at a complete loss for words)

Sandra Miller said...

Pregnancy hormones, powerful stuff.

Though I gotta say that was one freakishly bizarre dream... even as dreams in late pregnancy go.

Hmmm... maybe the Doritos just pushed you over the edge.

And I never realized Gloria Vanderbilt could be so... scary.

Thank you so much for sharing :-)

Shannon said...

I think the Doritos were laced, lol.

Jess said...

Digging the black pig and the truffles - and the pram.

Has pregnancy heightened the colors of your dreams, or your recall?

Not sure I'd ever eat Doritos again, meself...

Angewl said...

ROFLMAO that is just hilarious, J!!!

Jamie said...


Three words:

No More Doritos.

Have a nice dreamless sleep tonight!

Scott K. Johnson said...

And you think I'm weird...


Jen said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Juliabohemian said...

there's a city in Mexico that makes three-legged piggy banks. They are famous for them. I guess they are good luck or something. I can't remember what the name of the city is though.

HVS said...

What flavor of Doritos did that?
(mental note to avoid Doritos prior to bed,my dreams are weird enough!)

Trish said...

Dont you just love Dorito enduced pregnancy dreams!!!