Ok, I'm almost done with Sam's Letters To Jennifer by James Patterson and can I just say that I'm loathing it? Jesus, this book is awful. It's so predictable and sappy. From the minute the dude ran down the dock and jumped into the water, I knew she was going to fall for him. I knew there was something wrong with him. I knew the grandmother was going to come out of the coma for one last "important" talk with her granddaughter. The book is about a subtle as a jackhammer and broadcasts the plot in 10 foot-tall neon letters.
And my god, they use people's names a lot. "But Jennifer, I'm telling you, Jennifer, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. Jennifer." What the FUCK? Did you have a word amount you had to hit? And what's with the play-by-play on the songs and the directions to get from point A to point B and the type of car, in overblown detail? I don't CARE. Tell the story without all the filler.
To me, this reads like one of those horrid romance things that are printed in "women's" magazines like RedBook, only way, way, WAY padded out to make it just about novel length.
I don't give a shit about any of the characters, there's no character development and the writing sucks. It's wooden and clunky and reads like something a 13 year-old drama queenmight have written for her freshman English class. I don't have much hope of it improving over the last 40 or so pages I have left.
Here's where I sound like a complete and utter snob. How can people read this crap? Honestly. Do they like having their emotional buttons pushed like that? Do they like being spoonfed the plot? Do they like not having to think?
Before anyone gets all up in arms, I'm not casting aspersions from some ivory tower over here. I read plenty of mass-market stuff. Anne Perry and Maeve Binchy and Jennifer Weiner - and I enjoy them thoroughly. I like a good escape as much as the next person and I am waiting with bated breath for the next Harry Potter book. But jesus, stuff like this is just wrong.
And listen, Mr. Patterson, TWO fucking paragraphs does not a chapter make. Especially not when you continue the same thoughts on the next fucking page! For the love of god, man, I've never taken a writing class in my life and I know that much.
I need to go read War and Peace or something now, to get this drivel out of my head. Blech.