Wednesday, February 28, 2007

How not to wax your floor

Edited to add: My comments seem to be fucked, along with the bathroom. If you want to mock, commiserate or send virtual glasses of wine, email me at book _ ish at yahoo dot com. Anyone know what this error code means?


And how do I contact blogger to fix it? Twenty minutes perusing the site and I can't find a way to get this sorted.

No, I didn't slaughter the doll. This is not a snuff film gone bad. This is When Candles Attack

I'm never going to win the Harriet Homemaker award. Not gonna happen. However, I'm pretty sure there are ways in which one is supposed to wax ones floor. And I know this ain't one of 'em.

What happened? Well, let me tell you.

TCBIM has a thing for scented stuff. I don't know if it's a thing for the scented stuff or a desire to make sure that things don't smell bad. He does have a point - two babies in diapers and a cat, not to mention his hockey gear, things can get a bit stinky around here. So he likes to use scented dryer sheets and will sometimes light one of those mondo Yankee candles in the glass jar.

Last year, for Christmas, my mother gave me a candle warmer. It's a little electric gizmo that you plug in and it warms the candle (or your coffee). I thought it was cool - your candles lasted longer and you didn't have an open flame to get black soot all over the candle's glass jar. Nifty.

Nifty until you decide that your bathroom should be the locale for said candle warmer. Not only the bathroom, but the back of the toilet. The toilet that is a little unsteady, due to a house that's sinking or tilting or whatever thing it's doing that I'm desperately trying to ignore.

Cue me and Boo, Tuesday night, bath time. She's in the tub with her little tub dolly and a wash cloth, having a gay old time. I'm sitting on the (closed) toilet seat with my nose buried in The Lightning Thief (excellent book, by the way). Out of the corner of my eye, I see her fill a little cup with water. I watch her pour it over her dolly. I watch her wash the dolly. Then I watch her fill the cup again and start to empty it over the side of the tub. This causes me to leap from the toilet (now there's a phrase I don't say very often) to snatch the cup from her hand.

Said leapage caused the toilet to rock a bit. Said rockage caused the candle warmer to slide off the back of the toilet, spraying hot, red wax into the toilet, all over the floor, walls, lovely white bath mat and tub. A little bit got on Boo, mainly in her hair. She was fine - the wax, at that point, wasn't hot enough to do anything to her.

My bathroom, however, is fucked.

This is after 20 minutes of scraping. Notice the brand new spatula. And the knife. They didn't do shit. I have to go buy a flexible paint scraper, apparently.

I dunno, this picture has me at a loss for words. Wax puke. Caption that one, people. I need some amusement right about now.


justme said...

NOt sure if you comments are working yet, but here goes! Oops for that little spillage you have there. Not sure how well this will work on tiled floor, but it works wonders on carpet - take brown paper, place over wax, and iron - sucks it right up into the paper!

Major Bedhead said...

It's not tile, it's vinyl. But I'll give it a try. It certainly can't make it any worse! A couple of people have suggested that.

Lara suggested that the last one be titled: Too Much Tequila: Strawberry Shortcake's Morning After. I think she's going to need a trip to the doll hospital, frankly.

Nicole P said...

"I probably shouldn't have had the last Pepto-marguerita."

rae ann said...

goof off. it's a little stinky and definitely not safe to use while the bebes are in the bathroom with you, but worth a shot. it comes in a little tin can (like lighter fluid). squirt a bit-o that stuff on a rag (or on the mess) and rub. it comes right up. i would definitely scrape as much as you can first. the goof off can take a second to work so it's better when used on whatever residue is left.

we get it at our local grocery store. i'm sure they carry it at hardware stores too.

what a mess. i'm so sorry.

Mamma Sarah said...

WOW, what a mess. Hopefully you have gotten it cleaned up by now.

Washington Crunchy Mama said...

That just sucks ~ maybe only request white candles from now on :) Did you get it off?

Anonymous said...

I'm sure this far after the fact that you've already got it cleaned up, but freezing wax helps pop it off hard surfaces. I put those blue gel ice bags on them that I always keep in my freezer and after a bit, a spatula would usually pop it right off.