Friday, February 23, 2007

Lesson learned

I was unceremoniously forced to switch to the new blogger. Fuckers.

Thanks for all the comments on my last post. O does get special services thru her school. She has an IEP and they make accommodations for her and give her extra help where and when she needs. It's been good.

I just worry. And the other night, I was worrying more than usual. I shouldn't stay up late like that because my brain goes into overdrive and I veer towards morose. Maudlin, sometimes, even.

I figured out why, though. I quit taking the Paxil. I know, I know, it's stupid. I shouldn't have done it on my own and I am paying the price. I feel like ass. I have vertigo. My eyeballs feel like they're being squeezed. My throat is killing me and my fingers feel like their operating with thick gloves on. This is quite unpleasant.

I guess I should call the psychiatrist. I still haven't done that. I don't know why. I'm a wuss, I guess.

I can't even crawl off and die today. I have to go get car insurance, go to story time, go to the registry and re-register the car, go to the bank and the market and take care of a crabby, cranky 12 year-old, a two year-old who is two in every. fucking. sense of the word and a baby who will not let me out of her site for a nanosecond. That little trait is getting really old. Oh, and she's also not sleeping. Which is fanfuckingtastic.

I can't wait for this New York trip. My god, I need a break.


Sarah said...

It is okay to worry. At least I think it is, or I wouldn’t worry publicly on blogger all the time (just stop by my blog and I’ll engulf you in large amounts of worry). Mentioning the learning disability really got to me, because I have some similar worries for Sandis, but he is only in kindergarten. He will be getting services, but I worry that he will need services and accommodations forever, that the accommodations won’t move towards him being independent of them. Does that make sense? Anyhow, don’t feel bad about worrying out loud. Sometimes we need to do that to make sense of everything.

Lara said...

worry is understandable, though i wish for your sake you didn't have to go through it. i'm looking forward to your trip to, because you deserve a break. i'm sending you all the warmest wishes, unhelpful though that seems at times.

Vivian said...

Julia you are so not alone in your worry. I am glad that you trust us enough to share your concerns. I hope in some way it helps to let it out. I hope things let up soon for you and in the meantime I am sending hugs and wonderful thoughts and prayers.

Allison said...

I can't wait for NYC too!


Anonymous said...

I would say that I can't wait for NYC too, except that chances are I'll never step foot in the city (being on the other side of the country and all) and, oh yes, I wasn't invited.

I forgive you. Maybe next time.

Weaning off meds is a b*tch. Take care of yourself and listen to your body. Take a half a pill if you have to. Trust me on this one.

Sandra Miller said...

Julia-- so glad you have the upcoming trip.

It'll be good to take a breather from what sounds like an ungodly amount of stress.

Hang on-- you'll be in NY soon enough.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hey J - thinking of you guys and sending some strength your way. It will get better.

Major Bedhead said...

TSM - I took your advice. Thanks. I feel much better now. That was probably one of the dumber things I've done recently.

Maddy said...

Round here, no sleep, no function.