...for all the nice comments the other day. It did help, although I am still pretty down.
I don't know if I need to change medications or if this is just me, just the way I'm going to have to live, cycling thru these crushing days to come out on the other side, tired and sad, but better. I'm afraid, a little bit, of the medications. They make me tired and fat(er) and they make me feel like I have no emotions at all. I don't like that. I want to feel happiness and joy as well as sadness. I don't want to be a zombie and some of the medications make me that way.
I skipped my last psych appointment. I didn' t mean to, but I did, and now I'm nervous about calling the doctor. I don't know why - he's a nice guy and I doubt he'll yell at me, but it's been two weeks....
TCBIM is out of town on business until Thursday afternoon. He's so seldom around that the babies haven't really noticed his absence. The last time he was home for any stretch of time was over a week ago and that was in the evening, so Boo only got to see him for half an hour. Every single day last week he worked until 7 or 8 p.m.. Saturday, he worked from 8 a.m. until 9 p.m. and Sunday, from 3 p.m. tp 2 a.m.. He's exhausted. And yesterday, before leaving for his trip, he started throwing up blood. Of course, getting him to not go on this trip was fruitless. He claims he's fine now, but I have my doubts. I've managed to get him to promise that he'll go see the doctor when he gets back, but again, I have my doubts.
He's so wrapped up in work. I know he loves his job, but really, if I were throwing up blood, I'd call my boss and tell him I wasn't going, that I needed to get this checked out. This isn't the first time he's thrown up blood either. I get so angry with him about this - his attitude is "I'd rather not know." Mine is that I rather would know, would rather get it sorted out now than wait until it becomes something serious.
Boo is worrying me, too. Her blood sugar was 158 the other day, which is a bit high. She's been peeing and drinking a ton, too. I'm going to check her tomorrow morning, before she's eaten anything, to see what she is then. Hopefully it was just a once-off thing.
The Bug is so constipated. I feel so bad for her. I've been pouring prunes down her, laced with crushed flax seed, to no avail. She grunts and strains and poops a little rabbit pellet. I don't know what else to do for her. I don't want to give her a laxitive (if they even make such a thing). Maybe mineral oil in her prunes. I tell you, if I ate the amount of prunes she's eaten, I'd have to set up camp on the toilet.
And, I cut off all my hair yesterday. I haven't had it this short since I was in the 6th grade and got a Dorothy Hamil haircut. Want to see? I can't take a picture of myself to save my life, but here you go.
Wow, that's pretty bad. Anyway. Considering my hair was almost to my waist, and then to the middle of my back, this is very, very short. I kind of like it. I think. But jesus, my face looks fat.