Sunday, June 25, 2006
Rainy day pity party
It didn't take long for me to remember why I don't like staying home all the time. It's the never-ending-ness of it. It's not like work, where you clock in at 8 and leave at 5 and get an hour for lunch.
I'm having a hard time explaining this to TCBIM. He wants to come home from work, maybe putter around the house a bit, fixing this or that, maybe (big maybe) load the dishwasher and then he wants to just veg. He can always find something else to do when it's time to feed Boo or give her a bath or put her to bed. I need to figure out a way to say that I need help. Not much help - I don't want him to do everything every night (well, I do, but even I'm not that delusional), but I would like it if he could just give Boo a bath. It's gotten to the point that she doesn't like him to put her to bed, she just wants me. I don't want to be the only parent, the only one she'll let do things. TCBIM has to be able to do those things, too. It hasn't become too bad yet, but toddlers are stubborn little buggers and it doesn't take much to get them set in their ways.
I can understand that when he comes home, he wants to relax. I get that. He's a plumber. It's hot and muggy and it's hard work. However, I've been working all day, too, chasing around a very active toddler and trying to amuse her and her older sister. I've been doing laundry and dishes and sweeping and vacuuming and making meals and running errands. Then, when he comes home and putters, I make dinner for Boo, give her a bath, put her to bed and then make our dinner. I clean up after dinner. Meanwhile, he's been sitting in front of the tv for an hour or more. There's always so much that needs to be done. O helps, a lot, which is great. But I'd like him to take the initiative and just do things. I don't want to have to ask every single time I need some help. He can see that the rug needs vacuuming or the kitchen needs sweeping - why should I have to point it out to him and ask him to do it? I'm not his mother. I keep saying that to him, but he doesn't get it. He just keeps saying "All you have to do is ask." Thing is, I shouldn't have to ask. Not for simple things like that. Not for mundane, day-to-day chores. And I'll be damned if I'm making up a chore chart. Then I really would feel like his mother.
What I'd really like is a break. Problem is, I don't know where to go or what to do to get that break. I don't want to start volunteering for anything because I'm due in 7 weeks (ack!). I keep thinking about joining the library book group, but can't seem to get organized enough to get down there, get the book, read it and then show up for the meeting. I was thinking about learning how to knit, but again, it's the time to do it. I feel like I don't have time. The days are flying by - it's almost July and I have nothing to show for it.
To his credit, TCBIM keeps telling me to get out and do something. Thing is, I want to do things with him, without the kids, and that never happens. I think we've gone out alone twice in the last 12 months. We have no money anyway, but still. We used to go out all the time. We used to have fun together. And now it seems like we have to have our fun separately because of the kids. It's depressing.