Friday, June 16, 2006

Blogging In The Moonlight

I have so much to do tomorrow and I should be sleeping, but I can't. I'm too pissed off.

It was supposed to be the ex's weekend with O. She called him because she hadn't heard from him all week and needed to know when he was picking her up. He wanted me to bring her to him. I said no. I had a lawyer draw up a letter when we moved out here (an hour west of him) saying that he would collect her on Fridays and I would pick her up on Sundays. Because I've had to go to his part of the state frequently, he's only had to pick her up here once, in the three plus months we've been here. He went a bit nutty on me when I refused to drive her out there tomorrow, but I said I wasn't going to, that I had too much to do tomorrow to take two hours to get her to him. I said he could get her Saturday morning if that was easier, but I wasn't making the trip out there just for his convenience. He then asked to talk to O.

While on the phone with her, he tried to convince her to skip school tomorrow so he could get her in the morning. She said no. It's her last day of school and she wants to say goodbye to her friends and collect her stuff and all that. He tried to make her feel guilty, but she was adamant about going to school. She then mentioned that she had a soccer game on Saturday morning and if she missed it, she'd get kicked off the team. He got very angry with her because, apparently, they were all going to Maine on Saturday morning. This is the first O and I had heard about this trip.

I got on the phone with him to see if he was going to get her after the game or just wait until Sunday or what he wanted to do. He said "What, she doesn't want to come to Maine?" I said, no, that she never said that, but that if he wasn't going to get her, she was going to invite a friend to the party we're having on Saturday and she needed to ask the girl tomorrow, so we needed to know. When I asked when they were coming back from Maine, he refused to tell me. He said I didn't need to know that. Um, what? You're taking my daughter out of the state, you weren't going to tell me about it and you aren't going to tell me when you'll be back? I don't fucking think so. I don't mind if he takes her to Maine, but I do mind very much not knowing about it and not knowing when he'll have her back. He tried to get me going, tried to throw all kinds of things in my face, but I somehow managed to keep calm and didn't blow up at him. When he wasn't getting anywhere with me, he tried it on O again, trying to browbeat her into skipping school and soccer. Then he told her to forget it, he'd go to Maine alone and that was that. I think she actually hung up on him.

It just infuriates me. She said "Dad, you KNOW how much soccer means to me! I don't want to get kicked off the team," and all he could do was lay a guilt trip on her. She kept trying to say that she wanted to go with him to Maine, but she wanted him to wait until after the game. The game's at 9 a.m., so it's not like it would hold them up that much. And they're going to his sister-in-law's - they don't have reservations anywhere, they don't have plane, train or ferry tickets, they're just going up for a visit. But he refused to listen to her. Said he'd go without her, expecting, I'm sure, for her to call him up, crying and begging him to come get her. I don't think he understands what he's doing to her when he does these things. She cares that she doesn't see him - I'm not going to lie and say she doesn't care - but she gets so mad that she's just as glad not to, at that point. Plus, she has such a bad relationship with her stepmother that it's almost a relief to her when he doesn't get her. She hasn't seen him in 4 weeks and it doesn't seem to be phasing her at all. She doesn't call him, she doesn't talk about him much, I really think he's driven her away.

And part of me is selfishly glad.


Jess said...

Firstly, I hope O has a lovely day and soccer game!


Major Bedhead said...

I wish I was. He's a dick. A manipulative, control-freak dick.

Scott K. Johnson said...

I feel so bad for you two (you & O) when I read about these things. Neither one of you should have to deal with that kind of thing.

Very unfortunate. It sounds to me like O has taken a very healthy approach to it and I think it is actually making her a stronger person. Still very hard for her to deal with though - and having such a supportive mother at home is very good for her.

graymama said...

{{{{julia and O}}}}

This reminds me quite a bit of my niece and her bio-dad. She is a junior in high school now and continues to handle his bullshit well. She jokingly calls him "Mr. Cheerful."

It is so sad that some men were just not meant to be fathers and that it hurts their children so much.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with his immaturity and lack of respect!

Juliabohemian said...

He sounds passive aggressive. It also sounds like he is trying to relieve his own feelings of guilt by shifting blame to his own child.

Juliabohemian said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
MsCellania said...

What a completely self-centered schmuck! Sorry you have to deal with him. But much much much sorrier that your daughter has to deal with him and the step mofo.

I worked with divorce clients for years. This was the norm, sadly enough. Why people jerk their children around for revenge on the spouse or to cover their own insufficiencies is bewildering to me.

I hope things look better tomorrow, and that O has a great soccer game.

Angewl said...

I am so sorry she (and you) has to put up with this kind of crap.

I hope she invited her friend and has a terrific time at your party.

I think you had a right to know about the trip beforehand and when they were coming back. Not just for common courtesy, you have a RIGHT to know. I thought if you passed statelines you needed permission or an agreement or something. Either way, this is your daughter and if he was taking her out of state he needed to discuss it with you and not jsut because she is on medication. Thats just another reason to discuss it with you.

What an ass he is.

Joke said...

I can get him kicked out of the union at the next meeting. What an appalling bastid. He seems to neither know, nor care, the damage his is doing to his say nothing of his son and the wedge he might be driving between sister and brother.



Major Bedhead said...

A is not the ex's son. I had A when I was young - not quite a teen mum, but young enough. But you can still kick him out of your union, I won't object.

LJ said...

Wow our ex's sound very similar! In some respects I am glad Aaron does not have an understand of his father's antics. Read my blog for yesterday's episode.
big hugs for you and O! I hope she had a good game. And I hope you all had a great weekend.
When is the little one due?

Joke said...

I can also have his buttons snipped off and a big yellow stripe painted down his back.

Just say the word.