Monday, September 11, 2006

The Ex-hole, part whatever in a continuing series

O's father called her tonight. He hasn't called her in over a month but now he wants to see her this weekend. She didn't want to talk to him and when she said she had to go, he got angry with her. "Oh, you don't want to talk to me now?" She doesn't want to go there this weekend, either. I don't think she has any desire to see him at all any more.

She started crying when she hung up the phone. She said he was going to call back tonight to talk to her and she's freaking out a bit over it. I told her that she at least has to tell him that she doesn't want to come over this weekend but that she'd write him a letter to tell him why. Hopefully that will be easier for her. She can't say it over the phone for some reason. I think she's afraid he'll start yelling at her.

I don't really know what to do. I'm not going to make her go if she doesn't want to, but I'm also going to have her tell him that she doesn't want to go and why. I think she should.

I just wish the fucker would stay gone instead of pulling this re-appearing act every now and again. It drives me crazy, but it really sends O into an emotional spiral. It sucks and I can't make it better for her. I hate that.

8 comments:

Kerri. said...

Oh poor O. I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this crap again.

Tell O I'm thinking of her.

Joke said...

We had to deal with something similar with a nephew. The rule was: Idiot parent starts yelling and the phone gets hung up.

We do not reward uncivilized behavior. From anyone.

-J.

Oh, The Joys said...

That does suck. My heart hurts for O. She doesn't deserve it.

LauraJ said...

Awww. I like what Joke said, and it's true! Why give the a-hole fuel? It's his problem, his issue. O has the right to a happy life and if he only makes her miserable then she doesn't need to be subjected to that.
I swear our ex's were cut from the same mold!
It breaks my heart that he breaks her heart. You are doing the right thing by her, writing a letter is a great way for her to get her feelings out. Photocopy any corresponance she writes, in case he wants to take you to court.

julia said...

Joke - We play by that rule as well.

Laura - I've already copied her letter. I don't know what he could take me to court for, but I'm not taking any chances.

Joke said...

Aha! You show tenacity. I like that.

-J.

lildb said...

i'ts not fair for her. I wish she didn't have to endure the treatment she's receiving.

luckily, she has you for balance.

Christina said...

I understand what O is going through. I went through a similar problem with my father, and still have to deal with his manipulative crap all the time. When I was 14, my mother told me that if I didn't want to go visit him anymore, I didn't have to. I was old enough to make that choice for myself.

But that still didn't end the calls from him, yelling at me because I never called him, never did things for him. Last I checked, he was the adult, but he expected me to be the adult.

Being around him only upset me, because he would talk badly about my mother and try to present himself as a martyr.

Can she make the choice to ask him to go away? It's her choice, of course, but if his coming in and out of her life upsets her that much, maybe it is best to require him to go away for a bit?