Thursday, July 13, 2006

I need some worry beads. Or a good, stiff drink.

What is wrong with me?

We can't think of a name for this child. At all. TCBIM and I sit there and look at each other and say "I have no idea" and she's due in FOUR freakin' weeks! Four. Which means, really, I could go any day now and the poor kid isn't going to have a name.

I also can't get my head around the fact that she IS going to be here in a few weeks. It doesn't seem real. You'd think, with the pummelling my insides are taking and the absolutely ginormous belly I'm carting around, that I'd be a little more in touch with reality, but no. No concept, really, except to freak out and wonder how I'm going to handle things. But it's an abstract freak out. I can't actually imagine her here.

Which sets off all kinds of lovely thoughts in my brain. I've almost convinced myself that something is going to go terribly wrong right before or during delivery. I don't know why, it's completely irrational, but there you have it. My brain in action. It's a fucked up landscape inside my head and the little yellow happy pills aren't doing their job very well right now. I worry incessantly.

For instance: The Boo is 19.5 months old. She's still taking two long naps a day. She gets up around 6:30 and is back down for a nap by 9 or 9:30. She sleeps for about 2 hours, sometimes longer. Up, play, lunch and back down by 12:30 for another 2.5 - 3 hour nap. She goes to bed for the night around 6:30 or 7 p.m.. This seems like a lot of sleep. I do realize the insanity of thinking my kid sleeps to much, but this is how the diabetes diagnosis started with O. She started taking two naps a day again. She started drinking and peeing a lot (which Boo is doing, although, to be fair, it's freakin' hot here). O had a diaper rash from hell and Boo is getting a bad one right now. She's also not really growing. She's weighed 22 lbs for her last to peds appointments, which seems odd. I did check her blood sugar (because I really am that paranoid) and she was 83 about an hour after eating. I haven't done a fasting yet - probably tomorrow morning. Am I being a worry wort?

The thing that really set off alarm bells in my head was when TCBIM said "God, she sleeps a lot. Is that normal? Do you think we need to ask the doctor?" Bear in mind, this is a man who thinks that slicing off the tip of your finger is no big deal, who wouldn't go to the doctor until dragged there at gun point, who's needed bloodwork done for various and sundry digestive issues (hooo boy. He can drive me out of a room sometimes) but won't get it done. Him asking to call the doctor is like me asking to have Spam for dinner.

How often do children this age sleep? I can't judge by O, since she was in the midst of a pancreas shut down at that age. And I can't remember back that far to remember how much A slept.

I'm going to call the pediatrician anyway, just because I couldn't live with myself if I let it go and it turned out there really was something wrong. But in the meantime, I'll just freak out here.


Cat, Galloping said...

i have no idea what's normal but obviously there's a huge range. you just have to get to the ped asap if only to (hopefully) stop yourself from worrying so much.

Jess said...

I can relate - the first time I got to hold Rosey, my first thought was that she was too sweet to last. Granted, we were in the NICU, but that still pops up in my head every once in awhile. I don't think you're going crazy, hon, you're tired. Rock-bottom tired. And worried about every member of your family.
By the by, how is the damned dog?

Kerri. said...

No matter what anyone says, your mind won't be calm about Boo until you have her checked. Call the doctor and ease your busy mind.

We're thinking of you.

Angewl said...

I always expect the worst. Always have, always will. Can not stop myself from doing it.

I imagine fires, car crashes, anuerisms (I know I spelled that wrong)

Please take her in, just to have one less thing to worry about for yourself.

Just name the new baby after me. lol

I had a caller earlier who was calling me Angelita in a very spanish accent and it sounded wonderful. lol

Anonymous said...

Call the doctor to put your mind at ease. Our daughter would get up at 8:30 or so. Go back down at 11, up around 1 and back down about 3 with bed time again at around 730-800 at night. She grew out of that. The days of me getting things done while she is napping are so over.

As for baby names I found our next daughters name on a baby name web site. I clicked on all that I liked and then narrowed it down with my husband. Our new daughters name will be Kelly.

Hang in there!


Shannon said...

You don't know how many times I've pricked Jessica and Jacob's fingers when I saw any little sign of diabetes. Get Boo checked to ease your mind. I doubt she has diabetes, but you might as well check anyway :)

As for the name, we didn't decide until the day before Jacob was born. And we happened to pick the most goddamn popular name.

Everytime we go to the park, Jake looks around wondering who's calling him. There are hundreds of Jacobs everywhere we go!

Andrea said...

I think every child is different, but on average I think an 18-24 month old is supposed to get around 13 or 14 hours of sleep a day. But asking a doctor certainly couldn't hurt.

floreksa said...

A's at daycare (who's forced her into 1 nap a day), but last week being on vaca with her, I had her taking 2 naps.

She would get up at 7am, down by 9am for an hour, hour and a half, then down again right after lunch for about 2 hours.

If its only 1, it would be close to 4 hours around 10am. She goes to bed between 7 and 7:30 each night.

Oh and A just broke the 22 lbs mark yesterday (20.5 months) and she started life at 10lbs 4.8oz!

I'd still haul her to the ped's though, just help with your worries.

Washington Crunchy Mama said...

I couldn't make R real to save my soul. Even when I was in labor. My mind KNEW there was a baby in there, but I couldn't picture the baby, or make it a reality in any way. Even after she was born, I couldn't make the emotional connection that SHE was what was kicking me all that time. It was surreal.

Completely different than with A. With A I was able to have whole conversations with her in my belly and we bonded instantly. I loved R with all of my heart the instant I saw her and I would have died for her, but I did not bond with her until many weeks after she was born, I almost felt like I was babysitting someone elses child. Like I said, it was just weird.

I'm telling you this so that you know you're not alone. It happens. The first time I read about it, I thought, yeah right. Then it happened to me and it made me feel like a terrible Mom, I worried that I'd never pull out of it. But you go easy on yourself.

As for the name thing, we used the Bible. I know that doesn't work for you, but maybe you can find a book that you love and pull a name from that?

I agree with the others, get I checked just to ease your mind. You don't need any more worries right now.

Debbie said...

Oh, man, call. CALL. why the hell not? so what if someone (even if that someone ends up being you) laughs at you for being paranoid?

you know you'll feel better when you know. because, as the great GIJoe always said, "knowing is half the battle." don't dis the Joe, baby. don't diss the joe.

SUEB0B said...

You know I'm not a mom. But here is an example of how my mind works (and why I am not a mom): I am leaving the house for an hour and leaving the dog inside. I could just back out the driveway and leave the gate open.

But I think: what if the front door came open? And the dog got out? And left the yard (which she doesn't do, usually)?

So I go back and shut the gate. In case the 2 locks on the front door come open and the dog leaves the yard.

Worrying is weird, huh?