Sunday, August 17, 2008

On The Porch

It's very late and by all rights I should be in bed. But instead, I'm sitting on my front porch. It's full of boxes, but my bookshelves are out here and loaded with books and I have a few of my bits and bobs about that make me smile. I'm having a beer (and a cigarette - hush, it's my secret vice) and enjoying not doing anything.

Not that I don't have anything to do, far from it. There are mounds of boxes to unpack and things that need to be put and placed and arranged, but you know what? I'm tired. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. My shoulders hurt.

But mostly, my heart hurts.

You see, I started working this weekend. Perfect timing, no? Let's move our entire apartment and while I'm at it, let's start a new job and work the entire weekend. Almost as much fun as a root canal.

Working is fine. It is what it is - cashiering at Tarjay Booteek. It's not very challenging; it borders on mindless. It's a pay check.

But I miss my babies. For the last 4 or 5 days, they've been in O's hands, for the most part, because I've been packing or unpacking or working. And it sucks. They come to me, faces filthy from playing in the back yard, wanting a drink or food or a cuddle and I give them what they need and then go right back to packing or unpacking or working.

It's not so bad when they're here and I'm here because I know they're just steps away. If I want to, I can take a break for 10 minutes and go play with them, help them drive their little cars around the yard, give them kisses and snuggles and reprimands as needed.

But when I'm at work, and someone comes thru my lane with a little blond girl who smiles at me and starts chattering or when a woman with a baby is there, cooing over her child, I just want to go home and be with them, to scoop them up and inhale their lovely little girl selves until I'm satiated.

And I can't do that all the time now.

And it hurts.

14 comments:

George said...

((HUG))

I know virtual hugs don't help much but I really wanted to try.

Take it easy.

Heidi said...

Aw! Lots of hugs! Think of their smiling faces when you scoop them up with loads of hugs in the morning!

Joke said...

"Oh, how we shall laught at the sorrow of parting, when we meet again."

-J.

Lisa said...

Aw...that stinks! I hope ya'll settle into a routine soon! Happiness!

crazymumma said...

That must sting Bedhead. Congrats on the job anyhow. That is a tough load, working AND parenting. Double Time.

Dea said...

It's hard to miss them - but then think how much more you like them when you're with them! :D I'm sorry the work starting and the moving coincided - that's torture! I bet work will be less tear-inducing when you're not drag-out tired from all the moving. :D

LauraJ said...

It's going to get better. This is an adjustment period of a new kind of normal. New house, new job. There are positives to this...you hear less shrieking in the day perhaps?

Ms Picket To You said...

read this. grabbed the two kids who are here and kissed them so much I almost ate them.

which i needed because about 30 minutes ago, i wanted to give them away.

so uh thanks.

Ree said...

Of course it hurts, silly! And I know this sounds contrived and pat - but you'll appreciate them all the more when you're home.

Truth. I swear.

Until then. Hugs....lots of them.

Andrea said...

I know what you mean exactly. And I've talked myself into finding solace in the fact that when I do see them after my work-time absence, their faces light up like they wouldn't if I were there all day. It's a small consolation, but one that helps me, even just a little bit.

Hug to you. That sucks and it's hard, and you're doing the best you can. You're doing the best you can. Don't forget that.

elizasmom said...

Yeah, hard — it gets better after a while, but the first months after I went back to work, I would drive like a MANIAC to get home at 2:30 to see the kiddo again because I was just crazy-missing her.
But like the previous commenter, I do love when I pull up to the house and she's standing by the open window, and I get out of the car and she bellows "Hi Mommy!" for the neighborhood to hear.

Andrea said...

((Julia))

mamatulip said...

Aw, I'm sorry, girl. That's tough.

Traceytreasure said...

I know how you feel! Whatever you do, don't call home on your break and ask to talk to the kids unless, you've ALREADY heard their phone voice. I called home and talked to youngest and I realized that I'd never heard her phone voice before. I went into an ugly cry, with 2 minutes left of my break. I'm pretty sure when I pulled it together, I looked like I'd smoked a joint on my break.:( Not good. The great things about working for me is that they do miss me and I get more hugs and kisses when I'm around! Win-win!!

Hey don't sell your blog for less than 2 million. Okay? It's worth every penny!!

Best of luck and big hugs!!