Sunday, September 02, 2007
This Ain't Gonna Be Pretty
The Bug is making me insane. She will not fucking sleep. Not for love or money or pleading or crying or anything. She falls asleep, only to wake up 20, 30, 60 minutes later. She can't put herself back to sleep, so she stands in her crib and screams. Screams and shrieks until you would swear I was pouring boiling water over her. This is maddening at 8 p.m. but at 3 a.m., I'm ready to start punching holes in the walls.
She doesn't have a fever. She's not hurt in any way. She doesn't appear to be teething, although I've been giving her Motrin over the last couple of nights, just in case. It's not doing shit.
She wants me and only me all. the. fucking. time. TCBIM won't do. She screams right in his face.
So I rock her and rock her and fucking rock her until she falls asleep. Then I put her in her crib and invariably, she wakes up, just about instantly, and the whole fucking thing starts all over again.
She's exhausted, I'm exhausted and I am rapidly losing my shit. I screamed back at her tonight because I am so fucking frustrated with her. I don't know what to do. TCBIM doesn't know what to do. Because she's not sleeping, neither of us is sleeping. We certainly can't take it out on her so we're becoming short-tempered and snotty with each other. Not to mention, we haven't had sex in weeks because she won't fucking sleep.
Boo isn't much better. She has about 8,947 meltdowns a day, complete with sobbing in the hands. If she knew how to rend her clothes and tear out her hair, I'm sure she would. She whines incessantly, about everything. She also talks constantly. "Mama, can I have a cup, can I have a cup, can I have a cup?" "Mama, play blocks with me, play blocks with me, play blocks with me." I can't even get a word in edgewise to ask her to hang on or to say "OK." She just keeps going and going and going, like that fucking battery rabbit. Forget it if I say no - then all hell breaks loose. And I know, she's 2-3/4 and I should expect this, but between her and The Bug, I'm about at the end of my rope. I feel like I'm always on edge with them, just waiting for the next fucking storm. The calms only last for a few moments. It just sucks.
I need advice. I get out once a week, by myself or with TCBIM, so it's not like I'm house-bound with them. TCBIM is generally home in the evenings to help out - he plays hockey twice a week, but rarely leaves before they go to bed, so I do have help. It's not that - it's the fucking shrieking all night long and the whining all day long. It's driving me around the bend. It's driving TCBIM around the bend. If this doesn't end soon, I'm going to be a.) an alcoholic or b.) insane. Locked up, white jacket, padded room insane.
Where's the fucking wine?