Whenever I get down, I listen to R.E.M.. I've been listening to a lot of them lately.
The baby didn't sleep last night. At all. She won't sleep now. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with her. She doesn't have a fever, she doesn't seem to be sick, she's just not sleeping.
I'm sick and tired of being the only person who takes care of these children. It's not like I sprung them on my husband. We both wanted to have kids. But now? He'd rather play poker or hockey or golf than spend any time with them what so ever. If he's left alone with them for more than an hour, he's constantly calling me on the phone, wondering when I'm going to be home.
The ONLY way I can get him to do ANYTHING with the kids is to leave the house. Yesterday I had to run a couple of errands and go to the market. He called, of course, about 45 minutes into the trip, to tell me The Bug was up and when was I going to be home. When I got home, he had her in her highchair and he was playing a game on the computer. She was crying and he wasn't even looking at her, he was just saying "Hush, hush, you're fine, you're fine." She so patently was NOT fine that I wanted to hit him, hard.
This whole avoidance thing that he's doing, with the poker, the hockey, the golf, the falling asleep immediately after dinner on the nights that he is home make me wonder if he's found someone else. He did it once before. It was an online thing, but it was serious enough that they were sending dirty pictures of each other back and forth. She lived in Detroit and he, conveniently enough, suddenly had a business trip out there, which mysteriously got canceled when I discovered what was going on. I haven't come across anything like that this time, but there are a lot of phone calls that are taken outside, text messages that get immediately erased from his phone. And yeah, I check. Once burned, etc., etc..
Add all this shit to the fact that, because the bottom fell out of the housing market and because we stupidly got an adjustable rate mortgage, we're most likely going to lose our house and I am a very unhappy person right now.
TCBIM reads this blog sometimes, so this post may come down later on.