Monday, August 27, 2007

Finding Jesus

I'm probably going to piss off a bunch of people by posting this, but it's been bugging me for ages. Why is it when someone does something wrong and gets caught (getting caught being operative here) they suddenly find Jesus?

Michael Vick, after pleading guilty, gave a speech to the press outside the courthouse. In it, he admitted his wrong-doing, took responsibility for what he'd done, yadda yadda yadda. And suddenly he says, "Thru this situation, I found Jesus and I aks (sic) him for forgiveness."

Where has Jesus been before this? He only found Jesus now?

It never ceases to amaze me, people who find God when they're about to be hung out to dry.

40 comments:

Kendra said...

Doesn't piss me off. What a predictable, pathetic idiot. In these cases I think the offending party has come to the epiphany that the whole world thinks they're a piece of shit. Who's gonna love you now? Jesus is a good fallback plan, cos he's not around to voice his opinion.

Hot Librarian said...

I find this befuddling as well. Almost as much as reality show contestants praying to God to help them win.

Surfed over via Suburban Oblivion, BTW.

Mrs. Chicky said...

It's very convenient to find Jesus when you're sorry ass is being sent to prison, eh?

Mrs. Chicky said...

And I meant "your", not "you're".

It's late, I'm going to bed now.

Rachel... said...

Amen?

Yeah, it makes me throw up a little in my mouth. (sorry for the overused phrase, but the best I can come up with after a Monday...)

Christine-Megan said...

I'm a Christian and it didn't piss me off, so I think you might be ok.

Allison said...

Yeah, I'm with Christine. It pisses me off mostly because I don't believe people who say shit like that. Honestly, I think he's saying that to look more moral than he really is and I hate when Jesus is used as a scapegoat for everything.

I believe some (not all, but some) prisoners who find Jesus after years and years of counseling and ministry, but this turn-around is obviously written by his lawyers to make him seem less of an ass. Too bad it didn't work.

Lara said...

they only "find jesus" when they're about to get in trouble because 1) they know that line works, but they're actually full or crap; or, being a little more generous, 2) they actually found the mysterious hidden jesus because they only started looking when they thought it might save their ass.

that's my theory anyway.

Karen Rani said...

no freaking kidding - tell me about it. i completely agree with you.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I come from a highly religious background (no longer have it in my house or my life) but consider myself spiritual. It frustrated and frustrates me when some people use it as an excuse.

But, I have to say, one of my 6 year old's favorite toys is a Jesus action figure. :) It is pretty funny. A random toy.

Beck said...

1) Because there are a lot of religious people around, appealling to their sense of fellow-Christianity might get you a lighter sentence/public sympathy.
2) Because you're scared and any residual faith tends to come out strongly in a crisis.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Jesus called and said he has a few pit bulls up in heaven waiting to take a chunk out of Michael Vick's ass.

LauraJ said...

wish I had a dollar for everytime someone has said this in the past year! I remember parisite hilton saying this not too long ago and yet it seems she's lost him since leaving jail.

SUEB0B said...

Finding Jesus when you are in trouble with the law is the adult version of one of those all-purpose kid phrases like "no takebacks!"

Shannon said...

Jesus comes in handy when you want to look sympathetic and remorseful for the sake of seeking mercy from the law.

sandy shoes said...

The most charitable thing to be said about it, I suppose, is "better late than never."

But I'm more cynical than that. So I'll go with, "well, Mr. Vick. Isn't that special."

Andrea said...

It bugs me too, but probably happens because Jesus is the ONLY one professed to forgive sinners who ask for forgiveness.

The problem these people don't realize is that they're supposed to be sincere about it.

I love that picture, by the way. So appropriate for this post.

Mrs. Incredible said...

If it makes you feel better, I don't think it bugs Jesus. I think it's his favorite thing. I think (know) his disciples were a bunch of jailbirds and bad boys until they all hooked up. But then most/all of them were murdered. So that kind of ruined the happy.

mamatulip said...

I've often wondered the same thing.

Kevin Charnas said...

It's like pointing out a beautiful sunset while someone is calling you on your shit. It's a distraction, a convienient distraction because then people will rationalize his bullshit behavior and say, "But, he found Jesus, so it's all okay..."

It's complete crap and people are so fricking gullible.

lildb said...

lord bless you, Julia, YES.

fuck me. if there's nothing I hate more than bible thumpers, it's the recently sinned and got busted on national televsion bible thumpers.

hate. them. so. much.

makes. my. eyeses. bleed.

lildb said...

p.s. I really can, contrary to my last comment, spell words correctly on occasion. for instance, I'm aware that the word "television" is spelled thusly, and the word "eyes," the last time I checked, didn't have an extra "es" on the end.

you may now return to your scheduled program.

omigod I've never had such a good word randomizer verification before. I wish Kristen (motherhooduncensored) were here to witness.

PUBEZ. kid you not. am not lying to impress Kevin Charnas or you.

wow. PUBEZ. even awesomer than just plain ol' PUBES woulda been. I feel like I just won the jackpot.

Alex Elliot said...

I have to say that I love the picture!

Christina said...

I've never understood it either. Clearly he's just saying that because he got caught. Surely he must know Jesus wouldn't fall for that trick, right?

Josie said...

Doesn't piss me off - I actually expect it these days from celebrities. Goes right along with the 82 minutes of jail time.

Oh, The Joys said...

That crazy Jesus! Always hiding like that!

Angewl said...

LMAO at fairlyoddmother.

It's always after the fact and soon forgotten.

He may be praying soon to save his ass (literally) in jail.

theBarefoot said...

I found Jesus. He was hanging out in front of Home Depot.

pinks & Blues Girls said...

Jesus is the go-to guy when you're up s--t creek without a paddle and you're grasping for sympathy. 'Cause I doubt he would have found Jesus if he hadn't gotten caught.

Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

George said...

It's like a rapper that wins a grammy for a song called "Shoot that M**** F**** B**** C******* S******** D********* w*******" and then says,
"I wanna thank Jesus."

um, yeah. I hate that.

Penny said...

Julia,

I heard a radio spot today relating to this that I thought you would like. I'm going to email it to you.

Chaos Control said...

((nodding))

I agree. 100%.

Anonymous said...

That kind of thing (i.e. dishonoring God to cover one's stupid ass), like the picture in this post, is offensive. But I suppose in your act of finger-pointing you think blasphemy and idolatry are illusory, whereas hypocrisy is palpable.

Oh well. So much for the moral high ground.

Major Bedhead said...

Dear Cowardly Anonymous,
Stop hiding behind anonymity. I'm perfectly willing to put my name out there when I don't agree with someone. Don't be a chicken shit.

Where, exactly, am I being a hypocrite here? Or being blasphemous? As for idolatry - what the hell are you talking about?

Adam White said...

Major Bedhead:

First, I'll ignore the name-calling and ask: how "Major Bedhead" is any more brave a moniker to "put out there" than "Anonymous"? I don't know anything more about you than that you're out of Mass., and that you're a 40 yr. old female. If that portion of my bio is that important to the comment I'll gladly give you that much: I'm out of Toledo, OH and I'm a 24 yr. old male. Now tell me how that's cowardice, exactly? Are we in a schoolyard here?

The simple facts of the matter are that I've been having inexplicable trouble accessing my blogs, so I posted without signing in. Enough of that juvenile bullshit.

Before flaming me, you should have actually read and understood what I wrote. If I was unclear, I'm at fault. I'll try to be clearer on a couple of points.

Michael Vick is the hypocrite I referred to. I shouldn't need to explain that. I think we--and pretty much everyone else who commented--are in total agreement on that.

Making or displaying an image of Jesus is idolatry. But even if you reject that, the manner in which He's presented in this particular image is irreverent enough that it's hard to make a case for it being anything other than blasphemous. But since I doubt you believe He's God, you'll probably deny that, too.

Your turn.

Major Bedhead said...

I don't believe in God. You do. I have as much right to not believe as you do to believe. The fact that you think it's idolatry and blasphemous doesn't mean I do. Since this is my blog, I'll post whatever pictures I want and stand behind my beliefs or lack thereof.

I apologize for the name calling. I shouldn't have done that.

Adam White said...

I accept your apology and I agree: you absolutely have the right to say, post, and believe whatever you want. I would argue strenuously with anyone who claimed otherwise. But don't expect me to not take issue when the object of my faith is mocked.

My original point was that it's just as bad to mock Jesus in your way as it is for Vick in his. But that's not your perspective, because you have no more respect for Jesus than Vick does. All you see is an opportunity to be bemusedly dismissive of what you perceive to be another incident in the long history of idiots hiding behind the meaningless name of an (at best) impotent and (at worst) illusory Jesus.

To imply that every instance of someone coming to have faith in the deity of Jesus in the aftermath of 'getting caught' is bullshit, is--well--bullshit. In this case (and many, many others) I highly doubt we're talking about genuine faith here. But I don't think that really gives you just cause to lump hypocrisy in with faith and lampoon them both as if they were the same thing and equally stupid.


If you or I were the arbiters of what's true, I could happily accept the familiar refrain of "just because you think so, that doesn't mean I do". Because what's implicit is, 'You can have that be true for you, but that doesn't mean it has to be true for me' denies that there can be a standard by which our beliefs may be judged or even a way of determining if something's right or not, I must at least register my total disagreement with that notion.

Finally, I would argue that you cannot possibly lack faith in a god; it just isn't the God I believe in. You say you'll 'stand behind your beliefs' but seem to disclaim having any. Again, I disagree. But that's another can o' worms.

Major Bedhead said...

First of all, I don't know where you get off saying that I don't have any respect for Jesus. I don't believe that he was anything more, or less, than a man with some great ideas. Similar to Buddha or Mohamed, but not a deity, any more than those two were.

What I don't have respect for is a person who says "Oh, I have seen the errors of my ways because I have suddenly found Jesus." It smacks of covering his ass.

I think I have a very good notion of what is right and what is wrong is spite of my lack of faith. I don't think you need to believe in a god, any god, to know that lying, cheating, stealing, killing and a whole host of other things are wrong. A lack of faith doesn't equal a lack of moral fibre. To insist that everyone who is an atheist is also amoral is a pretty nasty thing to say.

And I disagree that having no faith is not a belief. I believe there is no God. That's just as much of a belief as your belief that there is.

CEO said...

Hey Adam,

do you not think that Jesus had a sense of humour? Do you not think that He'd be as loving and gentle towards those who had a giggle at His expense as to those who got on their knees? Cos I do.

The great thing about Jesus, if you believe all the hype, was that He was both human and divine, which means He could identify with our human weaknesses in a way that a wholly divine being could not. Which in my book means He definitely had/has a laugh at Himself and the more ridiculous foibles of His followers.

I can't see that the original Jesus Christ would have any problem with the image posted above. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that he'd have more problems with the 'traditional' images of Christ, which are often quite disturbing.

Too many Christians are too intolerant, too unChristian. Turn the other cheek, man.

Adam White said...

Um...yeah. Nice flight of fancy, CEO. If any of that had more than a vague resemblance to the truth, I'd be tempted to respond.