(Shamelessly stolen from the terrible punsters over on P45.net. )
A rabbit came into a pub one day and ordered a cheese and onion toastie, The barman had never seen the like of it but acquiesced and soon produced the toastie which the rabbit declared delicious before hopping on out the door.
This became a regular occurrence at lunchtime, rabbit would arrive and have a bit of a chat with the regulars and the barman while waiting on his cheese and onion toastie. One day the barman suggested maybe a change was in order; would the rabbit not like to try a toasted special instead or maybe just add some ham as they had a lovely side of ham in and nobody else really ate toasties and it would be an awful waste. The rabbit thinks about it for a few minutes and says why not.
The barman makes a lovely big tomato, cheese, onion ham and pepper special for the rabbit and serves it up with a flourish. The rabbit eats it up and as usual hops out the door.
There's no sign of him for a week and the barman and the regulars start to get worried, another week goes by and still no sign so they place posters up and ask all the other woodland creatures that frequent the pub.
Finally after a month goes by the rabbit shows up looking practically see through.
"Jaysus" says the barman "What happened to you, you look like you've seen a ghost"
"It's even worse than that" replies the rabbit "I am a ghost, I died soon after I left here"
"Holy Jesus and all the saints above, what the hell happened to ya?"
"Mixing me toasties"
A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
A monastery priest was beginning his Chant 101 class. He greeted his new initiates by chanting "Good morn - ing." The class repeated, "Good morning," except the priest thought he heard someone singing "Good evening".
Just to be sure, he sang, "Good morn - ing". Sure enough, from somewhere amidst all the "Good morning" responses, he heard the word "evening" being chanted.
Frustrated, he sang back to the class....."Someone chanted evening."