1. Stop putting balogna in your armpits.
2. It doesn't go in your ears, either.
3. No! Don't eat the cat poo!
4. Please don't lick the dog.
5. Please don't lick the cat.
6. Don't put the dirty underwear on your head.
7. Are you poopy? (As I pick her up a sniff her butt. Sniff. Her. Butt. Do you know how gross that is when you stop and think about it? Because really. It's gross. And I do it. So does every other mother I know. Scoop up kid, sniff butt. I have no shame. But neither do the rest of you, so nyah.)
I used to be cool.