My father has turned into a sexist jackass. He's always had the jackass part covered, but until Saturday, I didn't realize he was also a 50s throwback.
We were on the phone the other day, discussing TCBIM. I mentioned that TCBIM had been working a lot and my dad said he really admired him because he was such a hard worker (it's true - TCBIM has many faults, but he works like a demon). I agreed and out of the blue, my dad says "You shouldn't be making any demands on him. When he gets home you should have dinner on the table for him. You don't work, so you shouldn't be asking him to do anything."
Can you hold on? I have to go find my ass because I just laughed it off.
Dinner on the TABLE? I don't work???! I don't get paid, but Jesus H. Christ, do I work. Come to my house one of these days, dad. Let me show you how little "work" I do all day.
Sweet suffering mother of fuck. Who says shit like that these days? I work my ass off (when it's not being deluged, of course). And TCBIM isn't home enough for me to make demands on him. He's always working. Which is fine. It's not great, but we need the money and he enjoys his work, which is good. We don't get much time together, but we make the most of it when we do have a free day.
I just don't understand where the comment came from. He was brought up that way, of course, since he was born in 1937, but my mother wasn't like that. She didn't have dinner on the table when my dad walked in the door. She kept the house relatively clean and stayed home with my sister and me until I was about 10, but it was by no means a Father Knows Best kind of house. And his second wife, my stepmonster, certainly makes him fetch and carry. She's got a houseboy, basically, and she orders him around like he's some kind of imbecilic servant.
Perhaps he wants TCBIM to live the life that he would have liked to have lived. It's not going to happen, though. I don't think I should have to be the obedient, subservient wife. I think marriage is a partnership. It's never 50/50, no matter how much I'd like it to be. There's an ebb and flow to it. Right now, I'm doing more around-the-house stuff than he does. Last year, it was pretty much equal. A few years ago, he did more. It works, for the most part, with some hitches and hissy fits on both our parts, but it works.
It won't work if I become this passive, placid little cow, though. I can't do that, I can't become someone I'm not. I'm kind of surprised that my dad even asked me to do that.