When it's raining, don't wear jeans that are too big for you, especially those that gap at the waist. While you're bending over, strapping chidren into car seats, the rain drops will go right down the crack of your ass, causing you to shriek, thus scaring said children. In your hurry to stop the ass-crack-deluge, you will whack the top of your head on the door frame of the car. This will cause you to stagger back, stepping into a 4" deep puddle, the bottom of which is full of leaves. Wet leaves. Slippery wet leaves that will make your feet, in their oh-so-cute-but-oh-so-impractical-in-the-rain Liz Claiborne slip on sneaker-y things, fly out from underneath you and sending you ass first - the same ass that was already insulted (?) with ass-crack-deluge - into the 4" deep puddle. The dog, curious about all the swearing, shrieking and splashing going on, comes out of her dog house and shakes herself all over, thereby drenching the top half of you, which wasn't really that wet yet, and giving you a lovely layer of dog hair. Wet dog hair.
You will now drag the children back out of the car and into the house. The two year-old will protest mightily because it's story time and she wants to go to the library. The two month-old will add her cries to the mix, just because. You yell "Hang on, hang on, I just need to change my pants," knowing full well that they don't care, they just want to GO already, and hoping that your jacket will hide your wet and dog-hair-covered t-shirt. Back into the car, avoiding the ass-crack-deluge this time (because this is what happens when jeans fit) and down to the library, where your friend comments "Goodness, you look harried." Y'think?