Nothing fills me with dread the way an endo appointment does. Olivia's numbers have been all over the place. The CDE we see at Joslin drives me a bit nuts. She talks over me and tends to poo-poo me when I say I want her sugars more in range. She tells me these fluctuations are normal. Yeah, but this is wild fluctuations, not normal fluctuations. I know her A1c is going to be high again and no matter what people say, I do regard that as a report card on how I'm doing and how I'm doing is not so good. If there were a teacher comment section, it would say "Could try harder, needs to apply herself more."
She spent the weekend at her father’s and I swear, he feeds her crap and lets her run high just to piss me off. He refuses to log anything, so I have to scroll back thru two or three days worth of blood sugars in order to see what they were and what her doses were for them. All weekend, she was in the high 200 – 300 range. He never gives her a shot to bring her numbers down, nor does he change her site when she's running high for a few hours. I’ve tried talking to him but it’s like talking to a wall. He says “Yep, yep, yep” and then goes and does whatever he wants. Meanwhile, she’s running high and feels like crap all weekend and usually all of Monday, too. I wish I could get the endo to say something to him, but I've tried that before, to no avail.
Last night I was able to get her down to 180 by 8:30 (bedtime) but then she was 309 at 11:30. What?! Where did that come from? She had a homemade hamburger for dinner. She didn’t want any potatoes, so that was all she had. 30 gms for the hamburger roll. How does that send her to 309? I slept thru the 2 a.m. check, but at 5, she was back down to 145.
I upped her basal rates a week ago, but I don’t think it was enough. I’m really feeling like I’m flailing around these days, just making futile stabs at this stupid disease. It’s very frustrating and I’m sick of it. I want a Guardian or a Navigoator and I want it NOW.
And I’m starting to feel sick to my stomach, oh joy.