Monday, December 05, 2005

Huh, part two

Well. Two pregnancy tests later, both positive, and I guess I can stop kidding myself. This certainly wasn’t planned, so I have to admit to some hesitation and ambivalence. We had discussed having another baby in an abstract way, although I did tell Mark that if we were going to do it, we had to do it soon, since I just turned 39 last month.

Thirty-nine and pregnant. God. Do you know they consider you of advanced maternal age if you’re over 35 and pregnant? I hate that phrase. I feel like I should stump in to the OBs office with a walker, complete with tennis balls on the legs of it, orthopedic hose puddled around my ankles, all the while asking the nurses to “speak up a little, deary.”

I don’t feel anything yet. I can’t remember if I felt sick right away the last time or not. I’m exhausted all the time, but then, that’s par for the course: I’m always exhausted.
I just wish I weren’t so ambivilent about this. I want to be excited and happy and instead, I’m just sitting here thinking “Huh. How’d that happen?” Maybe I’ll get more excited as time goes on. I certainly hope so. Mark is more excited than I am. He’s already telling his friends and co-workers. I haven’t told anyone yet. Well, except my imaginary internet weirdo friends.

7 comments:

Wisconsin Crunchy Mama said...

I'm so excited for you! I'm guessing your still at the shock and awe phase? Maybe as it gets more "real" it'll get more exciting. You're a great Mom.

From one of your imaginary weirdo internet friends...lol

morethan said...

we're NOT imaginary! :) i still feel exactly as you describe. i put on a happy face when people ask about it and i act excited around my MIL, but inside, i secretly wonder if i'll be able to do it or if i'll ever be excited about it. i guess the flip side is that i do feel twinges of excitment when i feel the baby move... i think there's hope.

Kerri. said...

From one imaginary weirdo internet friend to another, congratulations, Julia.

You'll be brilliant. I have no doubt.

Sandra Miller said...

Congratulations, Julia!

Ah yes, AMA. I was 40 when I gave birth to Evan, and in some ways, scared out of my wits (especially with my history of miscarriage).

But I was fine, and you will be too.

And, you know, I'll bet that some of the depression you've been experiencing lately is tied to this pregnancy-- your hormones go thru the roof in that first trimester.

Of course, this is coming from an imaginary weirdo internet friend... ;)

Catherine said...

Congratulations!! You are just a baby compared to me, and I am willing to do it again.

Don't let them get you down with all that AMA talk - you are in the prime of your life!

terrilynn said...

I had my only child two weeks after I turned 40, so I have some idea of where your head is right now. I wish for you an easy pregnancy and delivery and a healthy baby. Congratulations!

Erica said...

Well gee whiz - we are probably due pretty close to around the same time.

From your other pregnant imaginary internet weirdo friend.

Congrats!