Monday, December 05, 2005

Huh, part two

Well. Two pregnancy tests later, both positive, and I guess I can stop kidding myself. This certainly wasn’t planned, so I have to admit to some hesitation and ambivalence. We had discussed having another baby in an abstract way, although I did tell Mark that if we were going to do it, we had to do it soon, since I just turned 39 last month.

Thirty-nine and pregnant. God. Do you know they consider you of advanced maternal age if you’re over 35 and pregnant? I hate that phrase. I feel like I should stump in to the OBs office with a walker, complete with tennis balls on the legs of it, orthopedic hose puddled around my ankles, all the while asking the nurses to “speak up a little, deary.”

I don’t feel anything yet. I can’t remember if I felt sick right away the last time or not. I’m exhausted all the time, but then, that’s par for the course: I’m always exhausted.
I just wish I weren’t so ambivilent about this. I want to be excited and happy and instead, I’m just sitting here thinking “Huh. How’d that happen?” Maybe I’ll get more excited as time goes on. I certainly hope so. Mark is more excited than I am. He’s already telling his friends and co-workers. I haven’t told anyone yet. Well, except my imaginary internet weirdo friends.


Washington Crunchy Mama said...

I'm so excited for you! I'm guessing your still at the shock and awe phase? Maybe as it gets more "real" it'll get more exciting. You're a great Mom.

From one of your imaginary weirdo internet

rae ann said...

we're NOT imaginary! :) i still feel exactly as you describe. i put on a happy face when people ask about it and i act excited around my MIL, but inside, i secretly wonder if i'll be able to do it or if i'll ever be excited about it. i guess the flip side is that i do feel twinges of excitment when i feel the baby move... i think there's hope.

Kerri. said...

From one imaginary weirdo internet friend to another, congratulations, Julia.

You'll be brilliant. I have no doubt.

Sandra Miller said...

Congratulations, Julia!

Ah yes, AMA. I was 40 when I gave birth to Evan, and in some ways, scared out of my wits (especially with my history of miscarriage).

But I was fine, and you will be too.

And, you know, I'll bet that some of the depression you've been experiencing lately is tied to this pregnancy-- your hormones go thru the roof in that first trimester.

Of course, this is coming from an imaginary weirdo internet friend... ;)

Catherine McDiarmid-Watt said...

Congratulations!! You are just a baby compared to me, and I am willing to do it again.

Don't let them get you down with all that AMA talk - you are in the prime of your life!

Anonymous said...

I had my only child two weeks after I turned 40, so I have some idea of where your head is right now. I wish for you an easy pregnancy and delivery and a healthy baby. Congratulations!

Erica said...

Well gee whiz - we are probably due pretty close to around the same time.

From your other pregnant imaginary internet weirdo friend.