Thursday, October 29, 2009

Still....

He's still talking to the woman in Bulgaria.

He's changed the passwords to his email and Facebook accounts.

I will have one more conversation about this and then I think I'm going to be done. He seems to be incapable of stopping and he seems to be going to some lengths to hide this from me, which does not bode well nor does it make me want to trust him even a little bit.

I really thought we'd had a good conversation about this last week, that I'd made my point and gotten it thru to him but apparently not. I'm not going to try to keep something alive if he's not going to reciprocate.

27 comments:

Stebbins said...

Hey I had some issues with my spouse and I went and talked to Dr. Paul Adler in Springfield he really helped us a lot. I am not the warm and fuzzy type but it helped to get someone else to hear what was happening. It was covered by insurance. If that does not work welllllll..... then you have a decision to make i guess. GOOD LUCK LisaStebs

dsg said...

Hugs. You're doing the right thing, though that doesn't make it any easier.

LauraJ said...

more hugs from me. what he's doing is just wrong. on so many levels.

Anonymous said...

It seems like this is just one more thing he's insensitive about -- you've previously written about how he never helps around the house, is in fact a slob, etc.. etc... I agree you should get counseling. But if you determine that he won't change on any of these things, figure out what you are getting out of the relationship.... --Stellasmom

Heidi said...

I agree - you are doing the right thing. I'm so sorry you have to do it, though. Sucks sucks sucks! Are you okay? Not okay? Hanging in there?

Andrea/ShutterBitch said...

Wow, J. I cannot believe his insensitivity to your feelings.

I've had this happen to me before, though it was on my computer and before we were married. I emailed (from his account) the woman and told her it was over, pretending to be him, and then promptly deleted the email account. I then called my boyfriend (now husband) and told him to get out, that when he returned from his weekend trip he could find his stuff in a box in the living room and I wanted him to leave the key on the table by the door and turn the lock on the knob on his way out. I was done with him.

He called me after he picked up his stuff. He was sorry. I hung up on him.

He called back. Asked if we could just talk. I said I'd think about it.

A week went by, I called him back and said we could talk. Three months of talking and figuring out where we were with each other, and we tentatively started dating again. It was painful, awful, and miserable. It was one of the best things to happen to our relationship. If it hadn't happened, I don't think we'd have gotten married.

If you want to talk about what you're thinking and feeling, I'm here for you, as always.

Lisa said...

(((hugs))) I'll be thinking about you as you work through this. Stay strong momma!

Andrea said...

Again, I've been there. And I'm proud of you for realizing that there is a line in teh sand he can't cross and if he does, there will be consequences. Good for you! It took me a lot longer to get to that point.

Patois said...

I'm sorry. Hugs from another virtual stranger who *somewhat* feels your pain.

rachel said...

may you find peace, my dear. :)

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Good luck. Whatever you decide to do, I'll support you 100%. I'd say kick him to the curb and take him for everything he's worth but that would be mean. ;)

Hugs!!

daysgoby said...

Standing strong behind you, J, no matter what happens...

Beth said...

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. That sound so lame, but it is true - wish there was some way to cyber-fix it for you. Big hugs to you in whatever you decide.....

Lara said...

Currently, you have no easy choice ahead of you. I'm sorry, but I think where you're at is good - have one more talk, but if he's not willing to follow-through on your needs, it's time to end it.

So sorry, J. :(

SUEB0B said...

That's some seriously awful stuff. I wonder if he just doesn't "get" it - I think of those guys on Oprah - when they ask men and women separately to rate their marriages, the men always say 7 or 8 and the women rate it 2...

Hug

Sarahtoo said...

Well, damn. I'm so sorry! Hugs to you--I so wish this wasn't a choice you were faced with. For what it's worth, I'm thinking of you, and if you need a shoulder, I'm here. Sucks, man. Really really sucks.

Maureen @ Wisconsin Mommy said...

Hugs from yet another blogging stranger. I hope what ever happens gives you peace.

Rich said...

Wow. I don't know what to say.
You are a wonderful person and don't deserve bullshit.
I don't get to see you or talk to you much, but I think of you a lot.
I think the world of you.

Fairly Odd Mother said...

Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Yes, I agree that his emotional affair is an affair. . .thinking of you right now.

sandy shoes said...

Yeah - one more conversation seems like plenty.

This sucks - I'm sorry.

Mad Woman said...

WOW. As I've said before, he's incredibly insensitive to your feelings and this isn't about whether HE thinks what he's doing is right or wrong..but that it makes YOU uncomfortable and untrusting. That alone should be enough for him to stop.

((HUGS)) to you. That one last conversation is going to hurt..in many ways, but it is essential. I can't tell if you're open to counselling or not...but it might be a good idea...for closure if nothing else.

I'm thinking about you...

Ricki said...

Wow J ~ I'm sorry I haven't been over here for awhile. Read your last 3 posts and have to say holy sh*t woman! Even if he is THAT dumb of a "box of rocks", that is no way for you to live (and I highly doubt it's stupidity). You're an amazing woman, and maybe it's wrong for me to say but you deserve a HELL of ALOT BETTER than that in a life partner! (((hugs))) You deserve respect and you are not getting it.

Kerri. said...

I don't know what to say, other than I'm thinking of you. (( hugs )) big time.

Angela said...

{{hugs}}
If you ever want to talk or just have someone to listen to or cry to, I'm usually on all night.
Love you.

Moonspun said...

Trust is a pretty big thing to violate. it's so much easier to be honest in the long run. The problem is that often it hard to be honest with yourself before you are honest with others.
Hugs!

Laurie said...

Oh man what a shithead! I'm sorry he's being such an ass and putting you through this. Are you okay?

rae ann said...

oh for the love! he's dense!

don't try to justify or excuse his behavior for one second. every time he types "luv you, sugar, hon," etc... that's one less piece of him that you don't get that you DESERVE. all of those thoughts and feelings should be reserved for you and he's pissing them away.

i hope you find strength and a sense of peace in all of this. the unrest has to be painful. xoxo