I kind of don't know what to say about all of this. It's a little embarrassing to talk about but since I was all over Twitter about it last weekend, I guess I should blog about it so I can use more than 140 characters.
I was using my husband's computer last Friday night and found some lengthy correspondence between him and another woman. It wasn't raunchy but the tone was very tender and caring and intimate in a non-physical way. So I started poking around. Caveat - for the last five years, he's always told me to go thru his email and phone if I ever had doubts about him. He did this once before, you see, when I was pregnant with Boo. This is why I was poking around. He's been spending an inordinate amount of time on the computer, on Facebook and MSN chat and I was starting to wonder what was going on.
I found pictures he'd sent of himself to a different woman. Naked pictures and she'd sent some back to him. I confronted him about it and he claims he has no memory of taking or sending them.
I don't even know where to go with this. How can he have no memory of it? He said maybe he was drunk when he did it and if that is the case (which I seriously doubt), then we have a whole other issue to deal with. Had he had that much to drink, he would have been sick the next day and he was fine.
I haven't had much time to discuss this with him because our schedules never overlap and it's not really something I want to discuss while he's at work or in front of the kids. I'm going to have to schedule a meeting with him.
It's all so ridiculous and pathetic and I'm so sick of being disappointed.
There's a part of me that just wants to give up, to get my own apartment and be alone, with my kids, for a long, long time. It would be peaceful. It would be a lot less work that this shit. I wouldn't have my heart out there, getting stomped on time and time again. I think I'd like that.