I was thinking of posting this in The Basement, but decided to put it here instead.
Things have not been going well at all around here. Last week was hell on wheels between me and the two girls. I am completely frustrated by Boo and she seems to know how to push every. single. button. I have. Repeatedly. 90% of the time, I can handle it. Not well, not prettily, but I manage, clinging by my fingernails to rationality and sanity. The other 10% of the time, I lose my shit. Last Thursday was definitely a Losing Her Shit day.
No matter what I said, Boo wouldn't behave. If I told her to sit in her chair, she ran around the house. If I told her to stop standing on the couch, she'd start jumping on it instead. She took defiance and oppositional behaviour to a whole new level, one I'd only heard of until last Thursday.
And I am not proud of the way I reacted. I screamed, I hollered, I came thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to spanking her, hard. It was ugly with a capital Ug.
Once I got her to stay in bed (after two hours of peeling her off the windowsill and putting her back in her bed), I sat at the computer and cried. For two hours. I sat here and I looked for help online. I finally found something, but they only meet once a month over the summer and I missed the first meeting.
On Friday, I called her pediatrician, called a parent help line and called a therapist (for myself). Of course, no one called me back, so I spent the entire weekend as well as Monday and Tuesday beating myself up and working very hard not to lose it. I went to the gym a lot, logging 19 miles on the treadmill, which helped a little bit. I spent a lot of time breathing in thru my nose, out thru my mouth, again and again and again.
I finally talked to the pediatrician, who recommended the same book I already have (and haven't finished yet). And I got a therapy appointment for next Thursday.
I'm really hoping that all of this helps because I'm at my wits end. I feel like I'm drowning.