Monday, July 09, 2007

Worry Wort

I was reading this post by Beck, over at Frog And Toad Are Still Friends (you should be reading her blog, it's fantastic and her writing makes me green with envy, she's so good). Anyway. She was worrying about some possibly scary test results she was waiting on regarding her daughter and commented that she comes from a long line of worriers.

I know what that's like. I worry all the time. If Boo is outside, running around, I get this swoopy, sickening feeling in my stomach because I'm worried that she's going to fall. I don't hover over her, I let her do her thing, but my hand clenches involuntarily over my heart as I watch her race around, oblivious, shrieking and running with wild abandon. When she does inevitably fall, I don't ever say "I told you not to do X," I just bandage up the scrapes, wipe away the tears and send her on her way again. I admonish her to be careful and she solemnly nods and says "Yes, mama," and is off again, climbing and running and dashing hither and yon.

If O has had a string of high blood sugars, I worry. I worry about complications, I worry that maybe she's sneaking food, I worry that maybe I'm not paying close enough attention to her diabetes care. I worry that the mess with her father is going to mess her up badly, even though she's handling it well. I worry that she's going to be like me, obsessing over weight and over-eating when she's down. Even though we talk about it, I still worry. I don't want her having the horrible body image that I have. I want her to be comfortable in her skin, not anxious and embarrassed and ashamed.

The Bug has started to drop down on the height and weight charts, which is another new worry. She's very small - 11 months old and only 18.5 lbs. I worry when she pees thru her diaper, seeing diabetes at every turn. I worry that she still only has two teeth.

I worry about car accidents, almost obsessively. I can imagine horrible things happening and there are times that it nearly paralyzes me. I imagine one of the kids falling down the stairs when we're at my mother's, I can see them smashing their face on the hearth when they play in the living room. It makes me nuts that I can't shut those fears off.

I try not to let these worries show, try not to imbue my fears upon my kids. I don't want them to be scared children, I really don't want them to become scared adults. I don't want them becoming like me.

9 comments:

Lara said...

i can totally relate. i'm 25 and my roommate is 24 - we're independent young women living life in a relatively nice and safe area. yet when she goes out and is still out at 2am or 4am, i worry, and i call her just to make sure she's alive. i'm like, "i don't care that you're still out, i just want to know you're okay!" she's getting used to it, fortunately. :)

BreadBox said...

On the issue of teeth: Boo (our Boo, 4) had her first tooth at 6 weeks! Skibo (2) waited until he was 11 months old to get his first tooth, then got 6 over a period of less than 2 weeks --- all without teething problems! We worried like hell about him, and still do the "this is when she did this, this is when she did that" game, but still, they are both healthy. On the weight issue, I seem to recall a slowdown, but so long as your paediatrician is not too worried, worrying here probably won't help! And remember, dropping down on the charts just means that some kids are jumping up here, and not that Bug is having problems!

N.

BreadBox said...

Not, by the way, that LOML and I are not worryworts about everything!

N.

MsPrufrock said...

Yeah...I can relate so very much on this topic, which I hate. I really wish I could be on of those people that doesn't worry obsessively about everything, but I'm not and never will be. Ugh.

As for the weight thing - P is being weighed today, but she was just grazing 18lbs at her last appt, which I believe was at about 10.5 months. A friend was telling me about a friend's baby who is 6 months old and 22 FRIGGIN POUNDS! P is 12 months next week and it is doubtful she'll even make 19lbs today.

Caro said...

Julia,

You remember that I'm a dentist? Two teeth at 11 months is still well within the "normal" spectrum. There are no actual set dates for eruption of teeth, just a wide range and a most common order. Variation is the rule rather than the exception.

I'm a worrier too, although I don't have kids. I have a fixation on the worst happening even though I realise it sometimes spoils my enjoyment of life. It is just one of those things I feel I can't help.

Oh, The Joys said...

I have to beat the worries back with a stick.

Shannon said...

It seems to me that everyone has the worries you do in one degree or another.

I hate the way Jeff drives and worry that he'll die in a car accident. I always pictured the police coming to my house to tell me.

One day, I pulled up to my house after being out and a cop was in my driveway. My heart froze and I did all I could to keep it together because I feared that he was there to tell me Jeff was dead.

He approached me as I got out of my van and handed me an envelope saying it was a subpoena to appear in court for a car accident I was in (you know the one where the girl hit me and drove off).

And I could probably check off every worry you've had on my own list.

moosh in indy. said...

Somebody tried to quell my fears by telling me "if you worry, you're a good mom." We both must be superb.
Us bloggy buddies are here to listen and we're right there with you girl.

Josie said...

You're in good company. I don't know any mom worth her salt that doesn't worry - about everything.

My son got his first tooth at 7 weeks and has never had any issues with his teeth whatsoever. All kids come into things when they want.

I worry everytime my son goes out with his friends and have to literally sit on my hands and not call his cell every hour.

It's part of being a mom that no one tells you about...