Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Can't live with 'em, can't sell 'em for science experiments

Y'know. Ya KNOW! I've just about had it.

TCBIM is out of work at the moment. He is looking for work, and looking hard, which is good. However. He can't seem to see why he should get out of bed in the morning and give me a hand getting the baby ready to go. I need to make sure I get in at least 40 hours each week, which means I have to leave the house by 7 a.m. at the latest, in order to get to work by 8 a.m.. I get up at 6 a.m.. In that hour, I have to shower, get dressed, get the baby's food and milk together for the day, get my lunch, feed the dog, put the dog out, feed the cat, feed the baby some breakfast, get her dressed and try to throw in a load of laundry (that generally falls by the wayside). I've started getting her lunch ready the night before and I've taken to having oatmeal or soup for lunch because it's quick and I can just toss it in my handbag. Packaged, of course. Globs of oatmeal in my bag would just be messy.

This morning, the baby woke up when my alarm went off. Sometimes she'll go back to sleep, but not this morning. She came toddling into the bathroom while I was in the shower and stood there, so cute in her little pjs, babbling at me. I dried off quickly and scooped her up. TCBIM is snoring away in the bed, oblivious to the fact that Boo has made a break for it and was roaming the house. (Did I mention that she still sleeps with us? Did I mention how SICK I am of that? Consider it mentioned.)

I woke him up - and you have no idea how I had to restrain myself from giving him a good prod with my toes - and asked him to please get her dressed while I got her lunch together. Instead, he hauls her back under the covers and tries to get her to go back to sleep. She's having none of it. So while I'm cutting up veggies and fruits and meat for her to take to daycare, she's shrieking like a banshee. Cue much stomping by me as I snatch her out of bed and get her dressed in record time.

At this point, I had to have a yell. "Can you please get your arse out of bed and help me? I have a finite amount of time in which to get ready in the morning. You have all day to snooze, should you choose to do so. It would help me if you could get up, get the baby dressed and feed her some breakfast so that I don't have to run around like a crazy person. Were you the one racing around on a time limit, trying to get yourself and her ready to go, I certainly wouldn't just lie there in bed, watching the news, while you scrambled around doing twelve things at once."

He just looked at me. Then he said, "Fine. I guess I can get up and help you." I swear, I didn't think my eyes could roll that far up into my head, but every day, it seems, I can get them to go further and further. Pretty soon, they're going to be able to do 360s.

To add insult to injury, my underwear wasn't fully dry when I put in on. Damp undies. My joy knows no bounds.

I need a vacation.


Johnboy said...

Clearly you need his help. Your life is hectic and complicated right now to say the least!

For what it's worth, let me give you a few guy thoughts. Given his situation, I would suspect that mild depression is not out of the realm of possibility.

Open, honest and calm communication may help, but all too often emotions get in the way of all that. If possible, try to approach these topics neutrally. (I can't tell you how!)

He's a guy, so he may need some extra ego support given the situation. I'm not suggesting a way to do, only that it may be a factor.

Good luck!

Erica said...

I'm having some deja vu... ;-) Minus the wet undies of course!

And Hannah still sleeps with us too - I love it and hate it. But I'm just not ready to fight that battle yet -- sigh... She is a HORRIBLE sleeper, from day 1. But it's coming...

Major Bedhead said...

johnboy (it cracks me up to type that) - Depression is not something that TCBIM can comprehend. He's the most well-adjusted, optimistic person I've ever met. He always thinks things will work out. At the moment, he thinks this is a small set-back and he will get a job by this weekend or the middle of next week, at the latest. Sometimes it drives me nuts that he can never even admit that bad things can and do happen, but I guess I do enough worrying for both of us. I'm being supportive, even though this post doesn't really sound that way, but he really is lazy when it comes to house and family stuff. Bone-assed lazy. Works like a demon at things he gets paid for, but ask him to pick up his dirty clothes and he can think of 30 other things he'd rather do. It's maddening. I do try to stay calm and to discuss these things rationally, but every so often, I just snap. I have a short fuse.

Erica - how old is Hannah? We're moving in a few weeks and I'm hoping to get Isobel into her own room then. She's got a gorgeous new crib that, I swear, she hasn't slept in once. Not once. Once she is asleep, she's a great sleeper, but it's getting her to go to sleep that's the problem.

Shannon said...

Jacob sleeps with us or comes in our room in the middle of the night screaming if he finds himself in his own bed.

I love Johnboy, but shit if that isn't a typical male solution he gave.

Bite my ass honest and calm communication. There's no time for that when you're running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get your pregnant self ready and the baby too!

I was depressed too for quite a while, but if I layed in bed all day, the kids would be starving and the house would be condemned due to the damage they'd inflict on it.

I love ya Johnboy ;)

Major Bedhead said...

*snort* Don't hold back, Shannon, tell us how you really feel. :D

Shannon said...

Did the tone of my comment sound negative? ;P

It's hard for me to give men any kind of sympathy. I don't know why.

Major Bedhead said...

Yeah, I'm the same way, Shannon. Especially when I get a phone call asking me the carb counts for mozarella sticks and tuna on focaccia. Where is he? He decided to take Olivia out to lunch. You have NO JOB! What are you doing spending money on lunch at a restaurant??! Gobshite.

Jamie said...

This sounds like something my husband would do - I'm still trying to figure out if he's really that dense, or if he's just being jerky .... nonetheless, I could relate to a certain degree .... minus the damp underwear :( Hope your day gets better - and I hope TCBYM starts helping you out in the mornings!

Erica said...

Julia - Hannah is almost 2.5. We got her a bed thinking that would solve the sleep issues since she sleeps so much better in our bed. Nope. We've gotten to the point where she can fall asleep in her bed (after one of us lays on the floor for awhile) but she will wake up within a few hours and come into our bed. I can't do the cry it out thing. I think we tried it once and it broke my heart.

We borrowed my mom's aero bed to put in her room and the plan (when I'm far too big to share our queen with her, dh and the dog) is that when she wakes someone will go in and lay there and get her used to staying in her bed the entire night.

If we had room for a king we wouldn't be so eager to kick her out because she does sleep so much better with us.

How old is Isobel - do you think she'll be able to transition to a crib? We got a toddler bed from Ikea that was really cheap, low to the ground and very comfy :-)

Joke said...

My obviously Y-chromosome-addled advice is: When you are in a calm mode, explain what you expect from him, spelled out in condescending detail. If asked "why" you answer "Because I'm asking you nicely."

I can't speak for anyone else, but I do a lot better with spelled out instructions, the more detail, the better.


Johnboy said...

julia, sounds like he is maybe just highly "preference-driven" then, and his preferences don't always align well with your wishes?

anyway, glad to give you a chuckle if only a chuckle in name!

Kerri. said...

Having no husband and no children (and no patience) myself, I am hardly in a position to offer up advice.


His underwear not being completely dried when he puts them on may teach a lesson or two.