I seem to spend all my time working or taking care of kids or trying to have a bit of a social life these days. I spend no time writing here or reading other blogs and my blog reader mocks me every time I open it. "You have 1,848 unread posts." No, I'm not kidding. And no, I'll never get them all read.
Like everyone else, I'm kind of freaking out over BlogHer. I've lost 35 lbs over the last few months so all the nice clothes I have in my closet fit me again. This is a good thing because we definitely don't have the money for me to be buying anything new. Broke doesn't begin to describe it. I'm not quite sure what we're going to do about the money situation. I called the cable company today to have cable shut off. We'll still have internet but no more television. I'll have to start taking the kids to the library to get some dvds for them to watch. They were the only ones who watched it anyway. That Canadian Boy I Married and I mainly watch movies or stuff online. So no more television. It's going to be odd....
I'm going to have to buy an outdoor clothes line, too, to save on electricity. I've got to figure out how else I can save because TCBIM has pretty much told me to stop complaining to him about how broke we are, to just suck it up and get over it; that this is how it's going to be for the next couple of years and he doesn't want to hear anything more about it. Which, y'know, yeah, thanks for the support, but whatever. I'll figure it out on my own and do what I can to cut more corners. I just wish I didn't feel alone in this. It's not that he's not worried - he is - but he doesn't ever want to talk about it, doesn't want to talk about anything bad or depressing or upsetting and it makes me feel very lonely. I tried explaining that to him but he doesn't seem to get it.
Honestly, I have days when I wonder why I got married. I love him but it's like living with an alien. He and I just do not see things the same way a lot of the time and when I try to explain myself, he doesn't understand me. Is it always like this? My first marriage was such a fucked up mess that I don't have anything to compare it to, really. I feel like we just go around and around and around and nothing ever gets sorted out. He throws the cost of my medicines and therapy in my face all the time, to the point that I want to just stop both of them. But he can't stand it when I'm depressed, so I don't know what to do. I know I'm tired of being stuck in this rut with him because it feels like I'll never get out of it.
Sometimes I just want to run away from it all. I'm so tired of feeling like Prometheus.