I have been feeling so sorry for myself for the last couple of days. I don't seem to have a real reason for it, I'm just bummed.
I took the girls to play group today and I felt like a big schlub. All the other kids looked so cute and put together and my kids come in with flyaway hair, looking like they just rolled out of bed. I felt harried and rushed and annoyed with life in general. I sat there, watching the girls play and felt like crying. Boo was grabby and bossy. The Bug just wandered around happily, trying to play with the bigger kids but mostly being left behind. It didn't seem to bother her, but it bothered me. I'm not really sure why.
I hate it when I get this way. I don't know why I feel so sad some days. It's been coming on for a few days - I can always tell when I'm going to slide down into this pit because I spend the day or two leading up to it in a foul, foul mood. I've been snappy and cranky and generally unpleasant to be around.
I don't know how to cope with this when it comes up. It's kind of unpredictable and always takes me by surprise. I can't exactly sit in a corner and feel sorry for myself, although that's all I want to do. I wish I could just drive off and sit somewhere and be mopey by myself. Instead, I have to push it down and deal with life. I can't really talk to TCBIM about it because he just doesn't get it. He thinks that because I'm on an anti-depressant, I should be fine and that if I'm not, then I'm just being selfish and whiny. And maybe I am. I know that I annoy myself when I'm like this and I would like it to stop. I just wish I knew how.