Thursday, May 17, 2007

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

But first, let's talk about me.

So, anyone who's been reading this blog for any amount of time knows that I hate the way I look and that I want, and let's not kid ourselves here, NEED to lose weight. Andrea, over at Little Bald Doctors, has been raving about Eat To Live, by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. I finally picked up a copy and have been reading it with much interest. It honestly sounds like something I can live with. It's a predominately vegetarian diet, with the goal being to get only 10% of your calories per day from animal products. I know there's a lot of disdain among foodies *coughJokecough* for vegetarians, but there's some heart disease in my family and I figure it can't hurt to cut way back on meats. Cheeses are going to be difficult but I'll manage.

Yes, yes, this is all leading up to talking about sex, keep your knickers on.

Therefore, starting Sunday, I'll be keeping a running tally of my weight and pounds, if any, that I've lost. I don't want this to turn into a weight loss blog, thus just the tally at the bottom. I promise not to witter on (too much) about food and dieting.

Now, to the sex bit. I apologize in advance, it's not all that exciting. Just more of me and my fucked up brain.

TCBIM was home for a couple of hours yesterday, in between sales calls. The babies were both sleeping and O was at school, so naturally, he says the first thing that pops into his mind, which is, "Do you want to go have afternoon sex?" This said with a leer and a gleam in his eye. I said no. This evolved into one of those "We'd better not become one of those couples that only has sex twice a year," conversations that happen whenever it's been more than a week. This is where the age difference comes in to play. He would like to have sex approximately every 8 minutes and I'm good with once or twice a week. It's typically never longer than a week, sometimes 10 days, if it's been a particularly bad week with sick babies and/or sick husbands and/or general exhaustion on both our parts.

I am generally tired all the time. It's a combination of being too heavy, having a baby who still nurses at least twice during the night and me staying up too late so that I can have some time to myself. But the biggest obstacle to my inhibitions about sex is my weight. I am embarrassed by how I look and how much I weigh and no matter how often TCBIM says that he doesn't see it (ha, right), that he loves me for who I am, not how I look, it still makes me cringe to be undressed in front of him.

So yesterday (instead of having sex), we talked about this. About how my weight makes me embarrassed and how I'm really hoping this new way of eating will result in some significant weight loss for me. He said that he'd be happy to go along with whatever will make me feel better about myself, that he'd eat whatever I put in front of him. I brought up the fact that he sometimes sabotages my efforts - the last couple of times I've tried Weight Watchers, he's come home with bags of chips or candy bars or ordered pizza and wings for dinner. He's not doing it maliciously, he's just forgetful. This time, though, he really seems to be supportive. He actually listened when I talked about how I feel when I weigh too much. How he's like most men - he doesn't care that he's carrying around some extra weight because he knows that if he eats salads for two weeks, he'll drop 20 pounds (the bastid) and how that's going to piss me right off. Ah well, he could stand to drop some weight, too.

Besides, it's a win-win for him if he is - I lose weight, I'm happier, he gets more nooky. Prizes for everyone!


LJ said...

so uhh if i drop weight will i get more nooky too? Well I guess i'd have to find a nooky partner first eh? Ah drats! It ain't happenin'.
Good luck with the lifestyle change.

OhTheJoys said...

Sigh. I am fighting the "maintaining" fight every day. I hear you.

Jess said...

Julia, this entry has been linked to a porn site...

main entry/click to leave comment/next page, down by post a comment - someone linked you, the bastids.

Major Bedhead said...

Thanks, Jess, I deleted it.

Stomper Girl said...

Don't you love that if sex is the reward, the man is only too happy to help? Anyway, speaking as a fellow too-tired and being nagged about it, can I just say : with all that going on I think the fact that you are ...ahem... *putting out* at all is admirable!

Good luck with the quasi-vegetarianism.

Shannon said...

Julia, you can do it!! I'm rooting for you all the way...and to go "all. the. way." wink wink ;)

Anonymous said...

Good luck! My husband is supportive as well, as long as I don't tell him what to eat/not eat. I'm on my own for making my own food. But! He's proud of the progress I've made so far, and even though I'm newly pregnant (see where this diet can get you???) I still plan to follow the eating habits I've learned. The nutrient dense foods are better choices, which I can't think as being harmful to the baby. I'm getting enough nutrients and fewer empty calories. But TCBYM being supportive is a big bonus. And go him for saying it doesn't matter to him how you look naked but that he'll help where he can to help you feel better about yourself.

I really hope these changes help you as much or more so than they've helped me in the last several weeks. Maybe it'll even help with your fatigue.

Oh, and sex is great exercise!

Jamie said...

Yes - sex is a great calorie burner. heh heh.

I'm like you though - have body image issues and we go through the same things around here.

I wish you all the best in your weight loss quest - you can join me in doing so :D Just think how buff we'll be ... we'll be a couple of hot mama's.

Bea said...

I know it doesn't necessarily fix anything to be told that your husband doesn't see the weight, that he still finds you attractive... But appreciate it anyway, because it really sucks not to hear those words. Ever. My husband knows I'm insecure about my weight gain, and that I need some kind of reinforcement from him, but it's not happening, and I really don't know if that's simply his constitutional aversion to compliments or if it's that he couldn't honestly say those words.

So yeah. It all sucks, doesn't it.

Joke said...

Hey, that 1st Italian cookbook I sent you was all-vegetable.

That said, anything you think I believe about vegetarians is strictly a supposition on your part. Probably a very accurate guess, but I am too polite to have ever told anyone what I really think.

Of course, if it works for you, mo' powah to ya.


P.S. The Eating Well Magazine scheme of things is, in my opinion, WAAAAAAAAAY mo' bettah for getting and staying in shape.