Sunday, May 17, 2009

Not Entirely Unexpected

My son A is 20 and I don't discuss him often on here because, most of the time, there isn't much to talk about. He works full time, he lives with his girlfriend, he doesn't drink, his major vice is buying toys - a flip video camera, a Wii, an X-Box, a Garmin - typical young man stuff to buy.

About six or seven weeks ago, however, he told everyone that he and his girlfriend were going to get married. In June. And everyone asked "Is she pregnant?" but we were all assured that no, she wasn't.

No surprises, but yeah, she is.

I can barely wrap my head around it, let alone talk about it. Financially, they aren't all that secure. She works for a fast food restaurant and he works in a warehouse - their jobs are steady, but they don't pay well at all. She makes less per hour than I did when I had A 20 years ago.

I have so many concerns about this situation. I do not think they'll be bad parents, far from it. But I do worry about how financially stable they're going to be. It's nerve-wracking not having enough money; we're still having trouble catching up some months. I don't want A going thru that same thing, I want better for him.

And selfishly, I am not ready to be a grandmother. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was worried that I might be pregnant (which, given that That Canadian Boy I Married has been snipped, is highly unlikely, but 10 days late is 10 days late). And now my son's going to have a baby. It's fucking with my head. And yeah, yeah, I know, I'm being self-centered. This is pretty much the only place I can be like that, though. Here and the therapist's couch and boy, did she get an earful last week.

15 comments:

leeann said...

Well, that's a lot to be dealing with. I totally see where you're coming from with your concerns - even the "self-centered" ones, about which I don't think you should feel guilty or apologetic because those are normal responses.

While I imagine this is not quite the way you had hoped things would go for A, I hope that it ultimately works out for the best.

In the meantime, virtual hugs to you as you try to come to terms with all of this.

LauraJ said...

Once you come to terms with it all and accept the situation then you'll be ready to support them anyway tou can. It doesn't have to be financially either.

Zazzy said...

I never had children, which is probably a good thing for me, but from time to time, someone my age will talk about their grandchildren. "You can't have grandchildren!" I think. Then I do the math.

Just that is enough to make my head explode. So, I think I understand at least a little. I don't think you're self-centered. It sounds a lot like you're human.

MomsL8/Jill said...

I don't blame ya, J! I'm sorry that you had to learn this way - and not up front the way they should have handled it. I was young, but not pregnant, when I married. Here's hoping that with good support and education, they'll make it through. I'm your age, so it would come as a shock to me as well - and I am living on the edge of teenagedom and young adulthood with my kids, and all I can say is, "There but for the Grace of God go I..." My thoughts and prayers are with you and your hub, and your son and his bride-to-be, and your new grandchild. I know that's a mouthful to say, but perhaps it will be a blessing and a joy for you NOT to raise another little one, and they'll both step up to the plate. Good luck!

Jill said...

Oh wow! That's huge! Tough to wrap your head around, huh? You can always be honest here. No judgements. And if anyone decides to throw some shade your way, that's what the delete comment function is for!! All my best to your boy and his gf...

kittenpie said...

Wow. That is huge. If they are determind, they could still do better, but that much is up to them and yes, it would be hard, that's for sure. I wish them all the luck.

Ree said...

That's what we're here for, darlin.

I thought today - "Wow, I could be a grandmother"

Except for that whole Gay 25 year old stepson; brilliant 21 year old stepdaughter; and painfully shy 17 year old son thing I have going on here.

I won't offer to make you a shawl, though. (don't hate me, I'm just trying to bring levity to the situation...which, honestly, would freak me out, too. )

Financially, they'll figure it out. My 40 year old sister has 5 kids and works at Target. Her husband is unemployed. But they have a mortgage, and a car payment and somehow - are making it. Nothing extra, but no one is going hungry - there's a roof over their heads.

When Mr. Hot and I got married, we didn't have diddly. Shortman was born 3 weeks after our wedding. Still? Diddly.

But with the support (not financial, just mental) of my parents...we somehow made it. And if your son and his girlfriend love each other - they will too.

XXOO

Yes, I'm rambling. Sorry.

artsweet said...

I have one thing to say...

You may be going to be a grandma but...

GILF!

blowing many kisses your way...

and much luck and stored up sleep the way of A. and his fiancee....

rae ann said...

cut yourself some slack. you're totally allowed to freak out and feel all things selfish. it's normal and welcome in internet land. i think you're going to be okay though and i think you might even be a little bit surprised at how fast A will grow up and step up. you're a great mom and you're gonna rock the grandma thing!

TT said...

Wow. Just wow. A. is a great kid. He and the GF will figure it out. It may just be a bumpy ride...

Traceytreasure said...

I was surprised by how little we had when we had our son. People found out that we needed stuff and it just poured in. We didn't buy much for him and we made it work somehow. I guess I'm just used to being poor. 18 years later, we still struggle to make ends meet but somehow, we get through it. You'll be fine!! I can't wait to be a Grammy!! You can give them my address but give me a head's up if they plan on coming! I don't like surprises!! :)

Maybe I can make them a baby blanket? Let me know!!

Hugs!!

Heidi said...

Oh wow! When you're ready for it, congrats! Even if you're not ready for it until you're eventually snuggling the little baby, that's okay. Take your time. Sending wishes that they make it through and that your little girls keep you feeling young!

Patois said...

Oh, that GILF had to have made you laugh. I'm you're age. Only one of my three is close to hitting puberty. So imagine me with young kids when I'm old enough to be a grandma. (Doesn't help, does it?)

Josie said...

I can see this from both sides. I was only 20 and in University f/t when I got pregnant.
To say my Mom was less than impressed is a mild understatement.
And all your concerns are justified.
See my son will be 20 next yr and if he were to come and tell me his gf was preganant I would have the same feelings as you.
We always want better for our kids and sometimes the hardest part is watching them go thru some of the same struggles we did.
Know that he has a good head on his shoulders (you are his Mom after all) and he has you as a sounding board.
It will work out.

Sarahtoo said...

Yow. That's...scary and amazing. I agree with those who said that they'll figure it out--we all do, don't we? You don't have to feel selfish to think of how this will affect you--because it will! All you can do is love him/them and keep on truckin'. And know that you're probably going to go gaga over that baby when it comes. :)