Thursday, June 11, 2009

Overinvolved

A few years ago, O freaked herself out on MySpace by talking to some random guy, giving him her address and phone number before realizing that she was in over her head. We talked about it and I told her that I was going to be checking out what she was doing when she was online. Mostly she chats with friends on Meebo and listens to the Jonas Brothers (incessantly) on YouTube, but she also set up a Facebook account. I helped her, made her profile private and told her not to put any pertinent information on there. She doesn't use her real last name on there, so I feel pretty comfortable that she's safer there than she was on MySpace.

Just about every day I check her page. I log in under her name to see what she's doing on there. It's mainly quizzes - and holy Hannah, Facebook has an assload of quizzes - but she also talks to a few friends. She also has some of her friends' mothers on her friend list, which is fine, for the most part.

Something recently caught my eye, though. O had been dating this boy, Jay, for a few months but they recently broke up. I'd met the boy, he was very nice, polite and pretty talkative with me, which is unusual for any 14 year old, never mind a 14 year old boy. The two didn't get to see each other that often because he lives a few towns over, but they talked on the phone and would get together for the movies or to go to the mall, usually with a bunch of friends. I liked it that way because I think dating when you're in the 8th grade shouldn't be this big, serious thing.

Since the breakup, O's friends have pretty much all dumped her, too. Last night, while looking thru O's Facebook page, I noticed that Jay's mother had updated her status to announce that her son has a new girlfriend. Said new girlfriend is O's former best friend. In the comment, she said she was "so excited for her son and his new girlfriend" and that she was "the one."

I find this all to be really weird. I like to be informed of who O is dating, what's going on with her friends and all that, but I have no desire to broadcast every argument, event or change in her dating status to the world via Facebook. I think that 14 years old is far too young to say that someone is "the one" for someone else and I don't get being excited about this. I also find it a bit cruel that she posted this to Facebook, knowing that O would be able to see it.

A lot of O's friends' mothers seem to get super involved in all these teenage dramas, to the point that they're IMing her, castigating her when there's a falling out or just gossiping with her. I have stepped in when O's been bullied in school but I would never chat with one of O's friends about anything like that and I certainly wouldn't castigate one of them because of boyfriend issues or an argument. I don't want or need to meddle that much in her life.

Am I nuts? Is this weird or do those of you with teenagers do this routinely? Or does my daughter just know some really immature women? Because to me, this seems very immature.

28 comments:

floreksa said...

WOW. Just wow.

I couldn't imagine ever being THAT involved or announcing anyone was "the one" for my 14 yr old. I was already a teenager once. I don't need to pretend to be one again.

Some people need lives.

Sounds like O needs a new set of friends. With parents like that....

mapsgirl said...

If I was 14 and my boy friend's mom started IMing me and texting me, I think I probably would have run in the opposite direction? Especially if they announce my life's events on their Facebook page.

What 14 year old wants that?

T- said...

Wow. Crazy.

I would say that's way way overinvolved. Seriously.

Ree said...

When Shortman was in 8th grade, he and this girl "dated". He would go to her house - she would come to ours. No big deal.

When they "broke up", we ran into her mother in the grocery store. "I'm so sorry about SM and Alice. They were so wonderful together and would have made the prettiest grandchildren."

It took all of my self-control not to slap her upside the head. They were 13!

Yes, that's an overinvolved mom you got on your hands MB.

Jill said...

No. You are definitely not nuts. Those other mothers are nuts and clearly trying to relive some kind of teenage glory days (which we all know are a total fallacy anyway!).

elizasmom said...

The one? Seriously? Are we living in olden times? They're freaking underage, for god's sake. Moms need a reality check and two big steps back. These are probably the same parents who call up the administration at my job to help their college-age kids figure out what to do with their lives. One colleague told me she's heard of parents negotiating starting salaries for their kids.

Lisa said...

Sounds like a bunch of drama lovers to me. 14, the ONE? Whatever!

artsweet said...

Crrrrrrazy.

And hurtful too.

Hey, 8th grade called, lady. It wants its drama back.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I think it's weird! And, what mother would encourage her kids to find "the one" at 14 years old! For fuck's sake there isn't much settling down 14 year olds can do, right?

Shame on that Mom. People like her are why I "don't do" Facebook. I hope that "O's" heart isn't broken.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Hugs!!

Tracy said...

that's strange that someone would say that anyone is the "one" for their child. At any age. I think the only person that can know that is the child themselves. And certainly not at age 14.

TT said...

Ick Ick Ick. It's all weird and skeevy.

Susan Getgood said...

I'd encourage your daughter to unfriend her ex-boyfriend's mom. She doesn't need to see that stuff.

& the update abt the new girlfriend. creepy.

Rich said...

Some of those moms are nuts. I think they are trying to being the cool mom who is her daughters best friend. But not in a good way. Kind of Like Dina Lohan. I am almost 30 years old, and finally think I might have found "The One". But at 14 ? I was still just a kid.

sandy shoes said...

You are NOT nuts. That is some crazy-ass parenting. Paging Dr. Phil...

Mama Bub said...

Sounds like someone is trying to recapture her youth in a very unhealthy way. NOT okay.

Jenn said...

That is a little too much. Very creepy actually.

Stomper Girl said...

Um. I think O has had a lucky escape if this is what the nice boy's mother was like. Seriously.

Laurie said...

Creepy weird! Really. Freaky.

Patois said...

I would hope someone would slap me silly if I were acting like those mothers. I give you permission to be "the one" to slap me.

Lili said...

Ugh, how old is the mom? 27?

Lynn @ human, being said...

I'd hate to be that kid. Can you imagine how embarrassed he would be?

Being 14 sucks all around.

Coincidentally, the antispam word on this comment is "pries". HA!

Ms Picket To You said...

Bridget is one of the few 4th graders who does not have a cell phone.

Now? I am sure why.

Ms Picket To You said...

Bridget is one of the few 4th graders who does not have a cell phone.

Now? I am sure why.

Opinionated Gifts said...

Some mothers just can't stay out of their children's lives or avoid being petty.

Sounds like O dodged a bullet there.

May I recommend medication for the mother?

mar said...

that seems a bit extreme. makes me think of the over-involvement of parents, like that poor girl who was harassed by her friend's mom under a fake profile. this being the first post i've read, you seem to be involved to the right extent in your child's life. but what would i know? i'm not a parent.
people tend to overshare on facebook, kids & adults. i still cite the former hs classmate who posted her status updates after her miscarriage.

Anonymous said...

Okay, are you SURE it is the "mother" posting on Facebook? My suspicions are it is the new girlfriend or even the old boyfriend. Or another teenager posing as the boyfriend's mother. If it truly is an adult getting involved, then something needs to be said. No adult should be conversing with my child or any child about their personal affairs, without the parent's knowledge. And in a public forum, that is harrassment. Does not sound to me like a mother would want her son to find "the one" at the age of 14! I think the other teens are tormenting O and I would put an end to Facebook for a while. Cyberbullying is all too common and can have disastrous effects on a child's self esteem. We had this problem with her former "best friend". Nip it in the bud.

lesleehorner said...

Wow, I can't even believe this. I have a few friends who are obsessively involved with their little kids, I guess this is what happens when that continues through to adolescence. Another thing to look forward to in 8 or 9 more years. Yikes!