I took Boo to look at a new school today. Well, day care, really, but I'm calling it school because that's what she's used to. She seemed to like the place and was bummed that she couldn't stay. She's going to start there in 2 weeks. She needs it. I need it. I really hope it will help with her behaviour.
Sometimes I think maybe it is all me. When I take her places like that or over to my sister's, she behaves pretty well. She doesn't bounce, she listens to what she's told and she never stamps her feet or sits there in a huff. She was great today at the new school but as soon as we got in the car, she started hitting her sister and yelling at me about something. Honestly, at this point, I just tune it out.
It's maddening and depressing as hell when I let my mind go down that path and believe me, it's a path it goes down a million times a day. What am I doing wrong? I'm sure I'm screwing her up for life somehow, otherwise she wouldn't behave this way, right? If she can control herself at school and at my sister's, why can't she do it when she's with me? I know she's capable of doing it so why can't she do it all the time?
I was thinking about this last night, when I should have been sleeping but was instead waffling back and forth between beating myself up and wondering if maybe she'd always been like this.
And then I remembered this:
She's been doing this since she could stand and jump. So maybe it's not just me. Maybe this is just how she is. In a weird way, I kind of hope so because thinking that I've done something to so screw up my own child is a horrible thought to have.
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5 comments:
It's not you. I think all kids are worse with their parents (their mothers in particular) than with anyone else. Something about pushing buttons and getting attention, even if it's negative -- they can't resist. Do you ever read @jmatlin's blog? She has similar feelings about her daughter's behavior... you should check it out. http://mommysaidwhat.wordpress.com/
I don't think it's you, either.
Hi Ms. B. It's been a long time since I commented but I do read all your posts. I wish I had some great and wonderful wisdom to help and I just know I'm going to put this all wrong...
There could be a lot of different reasons for what's going on and parents very naturally tend to blame themselves. No one is a perfect parent so yes, there probably are things you can do differently and it's the experts jobs to help you figure out those things. That doesn't make you a bad mother who has screwed up her child. You're doing what you need to do for her - you're looking for answers and trying new things. Don't give up on either of you.
Remember too that it is really hard to figure out what's happening with a troubled child. Please make sure that you're getting support for yourself and the rest of the family during the process.
I hope that you find answers and even more importantly, solutions that work. Take care of you.
It's not you...not at all. And if you are finding her a good space for during the day so she can learn skills she needs, that's a good thing. Bad parents do bad things. That's NOT you.
i've been following your blog- very intersting btw.
i noted some similarities in ur daughter when thinking about my son in his younger years.
during child birth he had an annoxic event- lack of oxygen due to the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck twice. some dr's say it resulted in a brain injury- some say he's has a dev delay, others say that he's too "neat a package" to fit any one diagnosis. anyways- long story short- my son did the same thing i see ur boo doing in that clip. bouncing to the point of his crib near falling apart, shaking it so violently that i surely thought it would collapse, banging his head on anything.. an behvior- don't get me started.. i can relate to you on so many levels..
try a developmental specialist, a behavioral therapist, perhaps genetic testing or a nuerologist that specializes in behavior or early development..
you mentioned school- idk where u live, but do u have an early intervention program available to her thru ur local school district. sometime like u said school, structure and peer role models help tremendously.
lastly - don't think that this is your fault- my son is now 14. i always thought it was my fault- the longer he went w/out diagnosis just made me feel like it was me.. it's not YOU. my son behaves with other, he behaves w/his teacher, he behaves w/other family memebers.. but when the actual truth came down to it.. he wasn't- they just were very accepting, had different expectations for him and rather than overwhelm me with their concerns supported me and said oh, he's fine! when i came to find out that either 1) not much attention was paid to outbursts or 2) they just didn't bother to tell me.
i wish u lots of luck on this journey- ur doing the right thing trying to work this out in her younger years and not looking at this as something "she'll grow out of"
heather
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